Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Don't want to live with DP

44 replies

BerolDryWipe · 07/07/2025 13:46

I want to live alone!

Well, not totally alone, I have 2 daughters and 1 DIL, they are who I want to live with.

I'm 42, live with DP, he has his 17 year old boy week on, week off, he has a 5 year old for 4 days every other week, and I just don't want to live with them all.

I love DP, happy to be in a relationship with him, but I really would like to live with just my girls.

We haven't lived together long, around 9 months, and I had been very hesitant to move in, as I was just happy as I was, and now I definitely regret my choice.

How do I tell him?

OP posts:
TourdeFrance2025 · 07/07/2025 18:13

BerolDryWipe · 07/07/2025 17:17

No, the house I'm viewing isn't available until the beginning of September, and our current rental is paid in full (paid 12 months upfront) so I wouldn't be leaving him in the lurch.

Also he wont be left to sort it out regardless of when I leave, I am 99% certain he'll move straight in with his parents and leave me to end the tenancy anyway.

Show quote history

If he has 'plenty of money'why would he take him & his 2 kids to live with his parents? Is he completely unable to adult. Run a house & look

there's no way I'd want to live with him if that's the case!

EDIT: urgh yeah, no sure how you ended up moving in with him! What was he doing for a house keeper before you moved in? Was he at his parents?? I feel for them, but they're probably largely to blame.

TomatoSandwiches · 07/07/2025 18:14

TourdeFrance2025 · 07/07/2025 18:13

If he has 'plenty of money'why would he take him & his 2 kids to live with his parents? Is he completely unable to adult. Run a house & look

there's no way I'd want to live with him if that's the case!

EDIT: urgh yeah, no sure how you ended up moving in with him! What was he doing for a house keeper before you moved in? Was he at his parents?? I feel for them, but they're probably largely to blame.

Edited
Show quote history

Yes presumably for the maid, cook and laundry services.
Op you landed yourself a sexist pig.

Original poster
BerolDryWipe · 07/07/2025 18:21

TomatoSandwiches · 07/07/2025 18:14

Yes presumably for the maid, cook and laundry services.
Op you landed yourself a sexist pig.

Show quote history

Nail on the head.

OP posts:
Original poster
BerolDryWipe · 07/07/2025 18:23

TourdeFrance2025 · 07/07/2025 18:13

If he has 'plenty of money'why would he take him & his 2 kids to live with his parents? Is he completely unable to adult. Run a house & look

there's no way I'd want to live with him if that's the case!

EDIT: urgh yeah, no sure how you ended up moving in with him! What was he doing for a house keeper before you moved in? Was he at his parents?? I feel for them, but they're probably largely to blame.

Edited
Show quote history

Absolutely incapable.

I kinda knew that he wasn’t gonna be scrubbing the house but he was aware I expected him to help where needed and do the outdoor jobs, take bins in and out, mow the lawns, tip runs, and general house maintenance but nope, he does nothing. Nothing!!

OP posts:
TourdeFrance2025 · 07/07/2025 18:29

Urgh, it's not surprising you're not going to be heartbroken if it's a deal breaker for him!

Get your house sorted with your girls & your fig, then think about your future!

Do you really want to be with such an incompetent twat?

Do you really want to be n a relationship where you will never want to live together, even as you get older ?

Chewbecca · 07/07/2025 19:02

Urgh! You are so right to not want to live with him, expose yours girls to that environment and ruin your peace. What a knob. Good luck with moving forward.

anyzen · 07/07/2025 19:12

You are quite right to move on. Life is short and nowhere was it said that the female partner had to look after everyone. Look after yourself first.

Just to mention, I am older now, and have been with my partner for over 30 years, but we have never lived together. It is the best recipe ever for a great, lasting and equal relationship.

AutumnFroglets · 07/07/2025 19:44

BerolDryWipe · 07/07/2025 18:23

Absolutely incapable.

I kinda knew that he wasn’t gonna be scrubbing the house but he was aware I expected him to help where needed and do the outdoor jobs, take bins in and out, mow the lawns, tip runs, and general house maintenance but nope, he does nothing. Nothing!!

Show quote history

... and yet you still love him.

Despite him refusing to do anything, despite him using your children to clean up after him? Not only is it time for you to leave that house but also time to do the freedom programme or other similar counselling to find out why you "love" a sexist user. Good luck on finding a new rental as well as self worth Flowers

Original poster
BerolDryWipe · 07/07/2025 19:51

AutumnFroglets · 07/07/2025 19:44

... and yet you still love him.

Despite him refusing to do anything, despite him using your children to clean up after him? Not only is it time for you to leave that house but also time to do the freedom programme or other similar counselling to find out why you "love" a sexist user. Good luck on finding a new rental as well as self worth Flowers

Show quote history

Best friend of 14 years, I’ve loved him for a long time. I didn’t know what he’d be like to live with.

OP posts:
Eddielizzard · 07/07/2025 19:55

A man not pulling his weight is deeply unattractive. I feel sorry for your kids having to deal with this shit. Moving on is the best thing you can do for them.

Stilllifes · 07/07/2025 21:26

Now you now what he really thinks.
Doesn't care enough to clean up after himself and his kids.

You owe him nothing.
Absolutely mad to move in with him when you were out the gap with your girls.

Good that they see you leave this selfish loser.

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 07/07/2025 21:31

Op even I can almost see your new clean and tidy home waiting patiently for you and your girls...
Get rid and leave him to his mess. His poor dd will be trained up fast I imagine.

NeilDiamondsBlowDry · 07/07/2025 23:01

@BerolDryWipe you have your head screwed on right and your girls sound a credit to you good luck with the rental, with 🐕 things have a way of working out you sound brilliant.

Oodlesof · 07/07/2025 23:21

ChaliceinWonderland · 07/07/2025 14:06

Of course, why would you invite all that drama in ? I live alone with 2 teens , it's bliss.
Too many children. Ask him to find separate accommodation

Why can't she find separate accommodation? She is the one that wants to leave the situation.

HÆLTHEPAIN · 07/07/2025 23:26

Oodlesof · 07/07/2025 23:21

Why can't she find separate accommodation? She is the one that wants to leave the situation.

Show quote history

She is finding separate accommodation.

Ohnobackagain · 07/07/2025 23:42

@BerolDryWipe so you tell him it isn’t working for you and you want your own space. If going back to how you were isn’t what he wants then I guess you accept it being over, or he tries harder (bet it doesn’t last because it sounds to me as though your core values are different. Either way you will no longer be someone’s maid.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 07/07/2025 23:48

How long will your 3 grown up girls want to live with you?

When they presumably move out eventually would you prefer your own space or blend with DP then?

What about retirement?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 07/07/2025 23:53

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 07/07/2025 23:48

How long will your 3 grown up girls want to live with you?

When they presumably move out eventually would you prefer your own space or blend with DP then?

What about retirement?

I wrote this before reading updates.
I don't think you should live with this man ever and I also don't know how you can find him attractive enough to share a bed with!

whackamole666 · 07/07/2025 23:56

Easy, say ..

me and my girls realise we prefer our own space and privacy so we're going to go back to our previous arrangement.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread