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[minko]

I'm sitting here in the kitchen and DP is in the living room watching TV. We really ought to be talking but he's just not interested... so I'll bore you lot with it...

We went out for the day yesterday and I realised there was nothing I could start a conversation with him about that he wouldn't say something negative about. All talk of different friends of mine bring different predictable negative remarks. NOt sure if he's jealous as he doesn't have much of a social life these days but does little about it.

He just seems to negative and bitter about everything these days. We want to move house and he is looking a HUGE houses that would stretch us but he seems to think would satisfy his craving to, well, I guess show the world what a success he is. He's always on about the credit crunch though and seems to be worried about his job. His job which is v. well paid seems secure enough but he is bored and seems to need a new challenge.

In the meantime he is horrible to live with. I feel like I am repulsive to him. He doesn't come near me. Makes out I am the negative one all the time. He belittles me when I say anything silly. He even wants me to have plastic surgery on my nose!

So where do I start with him...???

If he is so horrible to live with why bother?

Totally disagree with 4andnotout - he was worth it in the beginning and things are often salvage-able.

Is he good at heart-to-hearts?

How about sitting down properly and saying you feel he's unhappy and is there anything you can do together to make things better?

Perhaps he's feeling a little inferior to others, or down on himslef.

He can't be unkind to you, though, can you tell him that he's hurt you by his comments sometimes, when you're not so emotional about it?

Or just go on a fun date together and remember why you got together in the first place.

Hope that helps some!

This is a lot of problems all at once. You must feel very lonely.

What do you think you would like to change first, if you could change any of it?

It sounds like he might be a bit depressed. But that's no excuse for him to be horrible to you. Can you pick a moment to have a chat with him about the possibility of depression and getting help for it?

Thank you ladies... Yes Madamez I think he might be a bit depressed, but not to the extent of needing medication... He seems to be having some sort of mid-life crisis. Keeps harping back to the days when he could go away for the weekend on his motorbike with the boys blah blah. And now all his friends are settled. He actually said, 'what do you think they do all weekend?' this morning! He just doesn't know what to do with himself.

He's also depressed at the idea of commuting to the city for another 25 years. Part of me is sympathetic and part of me thinks that I'm not mad keen on being a housewife for all that time either but I don't have much choice.

I know he loves his children and he is a good dad. Apart from that I'd say he is ripe for an affair... I don't know how to make him happy anymore.

Minko, it's not your responsibility to make him happy. You couldn't do it if you tried, anyway, especially if he is determined to be unhappy.

All you can do is try not to contribute to his unhappiness, and take very good care of yourself. It seems to me he has forgotten the value of all the things he has. Please try to concentrate on you and the children. If you remember your own worth and start acting like you know it, it will definitely raise your worth in his eyes anyway.

You seem sad.Let go of working on him and work on yourself. You can't make him happy, but you can make yourself happier, and you deserve to be happy as much as he does.