Ignored by Partner of 17 Years for Days on End

[ThisCoralReader]

I've been in a relationship with my partner for 17 years. We were teenagers when we met. We are not married as he has never wanted to get married and we have 3 children aged 8, 4 & 1. Throughout our relationship, we've had some really happy times but also many times where he would be annoyed at something I've said (could be little things or things I bring up where has has upset me) and he then ignore me for days on end.

This used to upset me alot and I've told him how it makes me feel over the years and he will sometimes apologise after several days or I've just given up and said this is ridiculous and let it go just so the awful atmosphere doesn't continue.

I've caught him looking at women online, messaging people he follows which he denies but can never prove he is right. I found him extremely difficult when i was pregnant with our third child. Our baby wasn't planned but I was pleased. The pregnancy I had to deal with so many unnecessary arguments with him in which would lead to me being ignored for days and even not knowing where he was late at night and not answering my calls. This caused alot of stress especially in the weeks before going into labour. I did not feel close to him during the birth and he was not loving for a long time leaving me to deal with our 3 children by myself completely exhausted. He also ignores our children or will act differently around them when he ignores me.

I am now thinking I cannot continue putting up with this behaviour and do not want my children to continue thinking this is how relationships should be.

We own our house together but with 3 young children, I don't know whether to continue with the relationship or go our seperate ways. It is extremely difficult because a family is all I've ever wanted and a marriage as i grew up in a broken family and there was a lot of conflict between my parents. I feel I deserve better and emotionally, it feels like torture at times. Recently, I've not been able to cope with stress and anxiety and this has caused our latest argument as he doesn't just support me through it. It's like a 'just get on with it' scenario for him.

Looking for advice from others who have ended a relationship or should I try and make this work for our children?

The silent treatment is abuse.
I personally don’t think it’s a good idea to stay in a bad relationship for the children’s sake.

It is abusive I agree. Put yourself and children first. Get financial stuff in order just in case. Hand hold OP

He isn’t a partner though is he? Partners support, help, encourage, love each other. Does he do those things? Nope. Instead he minimises, belittles,ignores, ghosts. He’s no partner at all.

How can you make it work by yourself? In order to resolve issues you need to be able to communicate and he doesn't know how to do that.

So he’s an emotionally abusive cheat? You and your children deserve better.

Yeah you should leave. I grew up surrounded by silent treatment and it did me real damage I'm still working to undo with communication and handling conflict. Your children should not experience or witness this.

Separate. See a lawyer

I had one similar who told me to get on with it (like I had any bloody choice) and I stayed due to financial reasons and the emotional gymnastics of "maybe I'm understanding him wrong, maybe I should ask him a different way or a different time" route. All it did was fuck up my mental and physical health and fucked up the DCs mental health. Thirty years on I'm doing the leaving route that I should have done earlier.

Get out, stay out, have a better mental and emotional life without this lowlife, abusive scum dragging you under. You will be leaving at some point in your life, whether it's ten or twenty years time so do it now and save on the therapy bills.