Too much to deal with

[Iwanttoleave93744]

Dont really want advice just need to rant and a sympathetic ear.
I've been in an extremely unhappy marriage for many years. Desperately want to separate but I wouldn't manage financially and couldn't provide for our 2 teenagers so just stuck. Every day i become more depressed, more despondent, more unhappy.
I binge eat when unhappy or stressed. I've now got myself to 20 stones. Im disgusting and it effects every part of my life.
I suffer from terrible sciatica not helped by the weight. It rules my life and I'm currently in agony with it. Been for weeks now.
One of my children has adhd , ocd and gets very depressed. He worries me sick and I dread what his future looks like.
My other child is just about to start high school. She is shy, not very confident and has alot of her dad's personality where she doesn't really like people. She worries me.
Husband has severe mental health problems and is manipulative. I can honestly say hand on heart that I hate him.
My parents are becoming very frail and I'm an only child , I foresee a hard 10 years of caring for them and dealing with them passing that i just cant face.
Add menopause on to that and I just want to leave everyone . I want to go and buy a cottage by the sea and live alone.
I feel like i have got too much on my plate, too many people need too much of me .

Also I find working very difficult due to the pain I'm in and my state of mind. I cant concentrate on anything and dont want to be there .
I feel like my life is spiralling and I have no control over any of it

Not easy stage of life we are in OP. Working when not well and looking after everyone can be tough. Can relate to your cottage by the sea daydream, tbh think the whole coast could be filled with a line of middle aged women who muse about the same tbh. You aren’t looking for advice so trying not give you any, other than to say don’t be worrying about the weight. Not our job to be a decoration and likely a reflection of how you feeling. When you ready that’ll fall off. For now, sounds like you have good insight and it’s ok not to be ok. Best you can do is be extra kind to yourself (hugs) and know you aren’t alone. 💖🫶🏻

My weight has ballooned due to trauma. Sounds like your days are traumatic too OP. I sympathise. Poor health makes working difficult. I know. You say you couldn't manage financially if you split. Your husband would have to pay maintenance. Even if you had to downsize surely this would be better than the current situation? You deserve peace . Hand hold OP

Sometimes it's good to do what you have just done which to write down what the problems are even if you feel they are all insoluble. Taking a step back from each problem and just looking at it dispassionately sometimes helps.
You DESERVE help. Your sciatica and your weight are linked to the stresses you are under and it's NOT because you are disgusting. I know you don't want advice but your GP might actually help. Blood test to rule out for example hypothyroidism and vitamin D deficiency.
Mountjaro in case that would help end the desire for food.
I gave myself treats which weren't food to replace food treats...interior magazines or my favourite film, a 5 mins walk just for pleasure your brain is craving a reward for all the exhausting duties you are doing atm.

Worrying about Looking after your parents and your children says that you are a thoughtful and devoted daughter and mother, and that is something to be proud of not to fear. And your daughter will get strength from knowing you feel good at aspects of yourself, believe me.

Believe in yourself and all the good you do for others and be good to yourself too.

Your parents may feel like your responsibility but they are not inevitably so. It seems that you feel guilty about so many things, when they are not actually your "fault" and this doesn't help improve the situation, the only thing you are truly responsible for living your own best life which in turn will make others who "depend" on you happier. Sometimes this is very hard to fight for and feels very uncomfortable saying I need to do X FIRST or I cannot look after you all. Carving out things which are important to you and not just sticking plasters, like time to go to the GP and insisting (v uncomfortable insisting )that you get some help, blood tests, counselling, weight loss assistance are vital.