Please tell me it gets better

[EST102307]

So I broke up with my daughters (she’s 1.5) dad 4 weeks ago … long needed not been happy for a long time last had sex when she was conceived etc…

Hes now constantly giving me grief - I have mediation booked as he’s trying to say I have to take her out the nursery she’s in because he now suddenly doesn’t like it …
theyre closed for a couple of days I’ve asked him if he wants to have her for half the days he said he can’t afford it but I HAVE to tell him what the plans are with her - I suggested her auntie looked after her and he said no she’s not responsible (she’s 19).
he’s constantly asking me to borrow money for fags and to see her and if I say no he says he will make my life hard …
I did most the work anyway like baths bedtime etc he didn’t live with before was staying with family he’s been horrible to them so they’ve kicked him out he now rents a room …
hes so rude today like today said im a pr*ck because i i would MAKE him walk in the rain to come pick her up and see her because HE has no money .

one minute hes overly nice to me (cause he wants money) the next im a monster and then said i have bipolar today !
ive had postnatal depression which actually now im done with him i think was him being around making me miserable questioning everything i do or just not helping but im the “unstable” one.

I have 2 teen girls from a previous relationship I refuse to let them see that this is a “normal” relationship im trying my hardest to do the right thing with my baby girl I can’t wait for mediation it’s in a week but he’s just vile !!!

It gets better.

And while he is being a grade a arsehole, isn't it already just a bit better than living with him? You've already taught your teenagers a valuable lesson.

Now is the time to make the rules. If she's with you then you decide how she's being cared for (and you have to accept that when he has her [if] the same rules apply to him).

No money for fags or anything else. He's already making your life hard, what else is he threatening you with?

I know this is hard - I really struggled drawing the line with XDH when we split - but I did find that when I managed to disengage from his stupid crap he did start to give up harassing me. But you've done amazingly well already.

Thank you so much !!!

He isn’t saying exactly what he’s gonna do just says he’s got nothing to loose so if I’m being spiteful and horrible then he can do it back just worse … I’m not doing anything that im aware of I just want this to be what’s best for our little girl

I know it’ll get better thank you!

Make sure you keep all his messages. If possible use a parenting app. Direct his number to voicemail. Keep a dairy of his behaviour and get a video doorbell. You need to stop giving him money and if he gets aggressive contact the police. You can contact a domestic abuse organisation for support.

Would you say this is domestic abuse?

i am keeping every message and I know im being too lenient just “putting up with it” but I dunno how else I deal with it without being told im being out of order x

The best thing to do is have a chat with a domestic abuse organisation. Refuge webchat is open till 6pm tonight. From my perspective he's making threats, name calling, financially abusive and harassing you. This is probably the tip of the iceberg, so talk to a professional and they can advise you.

Thank you !

It says only Mon to Friday. Perhaps chat tomorrow or you can call the helpline which is available 24/7.
https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/