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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please help...

2 replies

noideaoffuturenow · 06/07/2025 10:53

Just not sure what to do.. have had a very unhappy few years and it has intensified over the last few months.
Him-work & financial strains of running his own business/cash flow. Me-working a new & difficult job & trying to manage 4 kids/6 pets/a father with dementia and a lot of emotional pressure. One of our kids has SN and leans a lot on me. Three kids have had important exams, the other a full-on competitive hobby.
He travels a lot with work, and when he's at home he does not get involved much in family life (I feel). He works all days/all hours. There is no night and day or weekdays/weekends. Anything that involves a routine/responsibilty I feel I have to do.
He has agreed multiple times to counselling. Which I left to him to arrange as I knew he didn't really want to do it and therefore wasn't about to waste my time. Still no counselling and more and more arguing. He tries to walk away a lot of the time...so I never feel that we resolve anything. Ever. One of the most recent arguments involved him trying to get past me to leave the room, me grabbing his t-shirt to stop him & ripping it. He tried to shove me back/out of the way and I had bruises on my arm for a week. I can't believe this is what it has come to. And I can't push down the anger & frustration any longer.
I feel smouldering resentment and anger every waking second and it's now impacting my sleep and work. I cried at work on Thursday when I had to deal with a difficult situation. I have really hit a wall; I am numb, tearful and have compassion fatigue at work. I am losing patience with the children. I will see my GP as I feel I may need anti-depressants now, but TBH I think if he would just leave I'd be ok. I have just told him I want him to move out and I want to tell our children tonight. I don't really know why I'm posting-I don't talk to anyone IRL about all of this and I need some guidance. My biggest fear is destroying the children..though am 100% sure the three older ones know a lot already-the room pulses with anger when we're in the same place.

OP posts:
noideaoffuturenow · 06/07/2025 10:57

How do you decide who leaves/stays? He won't want to leave, and will dig his heels in I'm sure. but the kids need me. He's gone so much I'm guessing if he told them it was work he wouldn't notice..do we quietly do this? And try to repair things while apart? Or do we sit them down & discuss it with them? I feel sick. But I cannot go on pretending..I just can't do it anymore.

OP posts:
MiloMinderbinder925 · 06/07/2025 13:48

You've taken a lot on and I'm not surprised you feel overwhelmed. Your husband obviously doesn't want to make any changes that would make your life easier and is happy dumping everything on your shoulders.

The first step is to get legal advice. Wikivorce has lots of information as does the CABx website.

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