Just not sure what to do.. have had a very unhappy few years and it has intensified over the last few months.
Him-work & financial strains of running his own business/cash flow. Me-working a new & difficult job & trying to manage 4 kids/6 pets/a father with dementia and a lot of emotional pressure. One of our kids has SN and leans a lot on me. Three kids have had important exams, the other a full-on competitive hobby.
He travels a lot with work, and when he's at home he does not get involved much in family life (I feel). He works all days/all hours. There is no night and day or weekdays/weekends. Anything that involves a routine/responsibilty I feel I have to do.
He has agreed multiple times to counselling. Which I left to him to arrange as I knew he didn't really want to do it and therefore wasn't about to waste my time. Still no counselling and more and more arguing. He tries to walk away a lot of the time...so I never feel that we resolve anything. Ever. One of the most recent arguments involved him trying to get past me to leave the room, me grabbing his t-shirt to stop him & ripping it. He tried to shove me back/out of the way and I had bruises on my arm for a week. I can't believe this is what it has come to. And I can't push down the anger & frustration any longer.
I feel smouldering resentment and anger every waking second and it's now impacting my sleep and work. I cried at work on Thursday when I had to deal with a difficult situation. I have really hit a wall; I am numb, tearful and have compassion fatigue at work. I am losing patience with the children. I will see my GP as I feel I may need anti-depressants now, but TBH I think if he would just leave I'd be ok. I have just told him I want him to move out and I want to tell our children tonight. I don't really know why I'm posting-I don't talk to anyone IRL about all of this and I need some guidance. My biggest fear is destroying the children..though am 100% sure the three older ones know a lot already-the room pulses with anger when we're in the same place.