Hi everyone
Mumsnet isn't taking any new registrations at the moment and I'm a keen follower, therefore I'm using her account to post my story as I see so many like mine.
I met my ex in November 2013 in September 2015 our son was born. The relationship has its ups and downs but I thought we were happy.
He cheated in November 2020 with a woman who has other children and by July 2021 she was 3 months pregnant. To say I was destroyed was an understatement - I grieved hard and had to carry on for my son's sake. My ex told me a few days after he told me about the baby that he had no emotional attachment to me at all (despite him unsuccessfully trying to get into my pants for the past 5 months)
Anyway I put my feelings to the side and my son built a relationship with the OW and her children, my ex's new family. I cut all contact with my ex and handovers were done by a family member, I also pushed for medation as well my thoughts were "if you can be a dad to your new child with OW you can be a dad to our son, make it as equal as possible"
Friends and family kept telling me, move on now while he's distracted, he's a narcissist and will be back! I was in no fit state to do so, he left me financially ruined and I needed to get that sorted first.
Anyway his daughter was born early in 30.12.21 by a few weeks (she fell pregnant in the April) it hurt like hell but I was determined not to let 2022 be another year of hurt for my son and I.
So I moved from the family home, not too far but far enough to start again, immediately I felt better. My son was in school and as I worked part time I had 2 extra days to myself.
I began to find me again, I took up new hobbies I exercised I lost just under 2 stone, I became a better version of my self.
In May 2022 my family member wasn't able to continue with handovers so i felt better and able to see my ex again in person.
He was shocked when I saw him, couldn't believe how well I looked, almost sort of bitter.
Anyway on a night out in August 2022 I met someone, I wasn't looking for anything I was happy on my own I had a routine I was due to start full time work in a few weeks and my son was happy.
This person turned my world upside down, he was smart, funny, kind, loyal - everything my ex wasn't. He had 2 children himself whom he had 50/50 with his ex. I didn't expect it to go any further than a few months as it was a hard to sort childcare out etc, but he was patient and understood - long story short, I got engaged 3 weeks ago and this Saturday I have a engagement party. We are hoping to marry next year on my 45th bday. I love my blended family, it has it's challenges but we all work together. My son is 10 in September, he adores his SB and SS they are a little older 13 and 16 but they all get along amazingly and he also adores his SF.
In terms of my ex, he spilt with the OW in December 2022 a year after their daughter was born, they did get back together for a brief period before he cheated again and she found out. She contacted me in August 2023 to set up arrangements so my son could see his half sister. A "superficial" relationship was born and my son visits his sister twice a month and she comes to us once a month.
She told me tales of what he did, exactly the same stuff he done with me. I didn't have much sympathy for her, she knew I existed and she knew he wasn't paying for his son, she choose that life as far as I was concerned.
My ex doesn't really see our son now, he's in another relationship with another single mother, she's not pregnant yet but that is due to happen, he's younger than me (36) and extremely good looking, although his looks will only take him so far.
And yes he did attempt to "come back" twice, both times I hit him with indifference! I think that really hurt him.
So if anyone is reading this and is going through what I went through, I feel your pain - this was the hardest time of my life, my heart literally broke into pieces but I had no choice but to carry on, war paint on smile on and carry on.
Therapy helped me alot, and also someone said something to me in a pub while I was crying my eyes out "you was fine before you met him, you'll be even better after him" at the time I didn't think I would be - but they were so right.
He's a narcissist, I didn't see it until therapy showed me it, he will never be happy, I don't care anymore - me, my son and my blended family are. I finally found my prince!
Much love everyone and take care of yourselves if if this is your story.
Bianca xx