At what point in your relationship was marriage on the cards?

[ForLoveNotMoney]

Just that really.

I wrote a big long paragraph but then deleted it. I don't want the typical Mumsnet response around financial stability, legal rights etc etc. I want the response around love and wanting to be married.

Partner and I have discussed it a few times but I am really at that point now where I want to marry him or at least be engaged. I have told him more than once this weekend that I am wanting that and he wants it too. Our situation is a little different to the standard though and more tricky.

At what point in your relationship did you know and really wanted to get married for love? Not for stability, not because you had kids, because you loved that person and want to spend the rest of your lives together?

For me it was a slow burn. We were relatively young when we met (early 20s) and we were both working hard, going out a lot etc. When we'd been together four years I made it clear I wanted to marry him, and he proposed on my next birthday. We've been married for nearly 22 years now.

Met when he was late 20s I was early/mid 30s.

Discussed it early on and at 18m in we were broadly on the same page.
2.5 years in he proposed and 3 years we were married.

Unpopular in here but we were on diff timelines and I told my DH as i was older he needed to work to mine so if he wanted to marry me I expected a proposal on or before X date.
If he didnt i would "take it as a sign" and make my own life plans accordingly

Ahhh, thank you for sharing.

We have been together 3.5 years. He is a widower so things a little more complicated, particularly financially. We had a lovely weekend together and talked a lot. He said right at the beginning that it was all new for him (married 15 years before he lost his wife to cancer) and it was just a bit of fun and company, which I was happy with. It did become more and I said to him last night that this was the longest FWB I have ever had and he said he was always looking for a long term relationship, just didn't want to lead me on early on.

We are looking to buy a house together, which will change things financially (he claims his wife's pension) which will stop once we buy together, at which point, marriage wont change anything.

For all the hardcore mums netters, I will sign whatever he wants as I want not a penny of his money or assets, I am just an old romantic who wants to call him my husband because he is an incredible man whom I love the bones of.

We got married about ten years into our relationship (it was important to me for many years but my partner - now H - had no inclination until that time). Married over 20 years so it has been a very long time indeed!

edit as crossed with OP current post. I see - totally understandable! I’d feel daft calling someone my husband if I wasn’t legally married.

We met when I was 34 husband is 8 years older.
started talking about marriage within a few months, got engaged 8 months in.
I would absolutely not bother with getting a house together if you’re not sure he wants to marry you.
surely you need to be on the same page with what you want

The fact he is a widower does change things. There are financial implications (which you have already discussed regarding buying a house) as well as social ones. It will be a very public symbol of him moving on with his grief that, depending on family relations and kids etc, he may not be ready for.

From my point of view I met DH at 18 and our relationship became permanent in terms of how we planned for the future etc within about 8 months, engaged after 15 months, married the next year. So in ordinary circumstances 3.5years is more than enough time.

Met at work,both still married, he had been on his own several years, wife went off with another man, but not divorced. Mine was a nasty control freak, told me after almost 20 years he was gay. Lost his business, tried to kill me for insurance money. 2nd DH f had just died,my lovely DM was dying,we bonded over that. Nasty acrimonious divorce on both sides. Both lost our houses for different reasons.. middle aged with nothing. I had 3 DKs. Got a house,had a baby at 41followed by a fast nasty menopause . Morning always pooled , one joint account.thats, when I knew he trusted me,both our exes cleaned out the accounts. Ended up being engaged 10 years, because of high mortgages, redundancy .paid for it ourselves, after 10 years, I said "we're getting married even if it's just us in our jeans". been married almost 26 years.

Oh, after a few months, but we had to finalise the divorce

To add, he does want to marry its just a difficult one. I am well know to his family, have stayed at his MIL's house two years running (she lives abroad) its just more on my radar recently.

The house is the next big step, kids are all on board etc.

I just want to marry this beautiful man.

6 months, but he had a strong faith, no sex before marriage so was keen!
I don't have faith so we discussed was the relationship worth continuing due to differences etc. married 13 months after our first date, still very happy 25 yrs on.

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 12 years. We have a child and a house. I have been ready for it for years. He still isn't. It's a problem.

I was ready after about 3 years having met v early 20s. He didn't propose until 6½ years in and we were married at 7 years.

We aren't together anymore, but at the time I thought I was making the right decision.

Thanks everyone. Really appreciate it.

It’s just that longing feeling.

I was with my ex for years and never wanted to get married, guess I knew it was wrong. Met my now husband and we married within a year. It’s what’s right for you.