Should I give up?

[Macadamia20]

Hi all,
I'm at a crossroads.... been married to DH for 3 years, together for 6. I have a DD (11) he has a DS (20). For the most part the relationship is good until it comes to DSS.... He has lived in my house FT as his mother lives in another country and rarely sees him but he's just vile to me. Treats me with complete contempt despite the fact I put a roof over his head, feed him etc.
DH cannot see how vile his son is to me and always defends him (which I get as his flesh and blood) but it's driving a wedge between us and I just feel I can't cope anymore.
DH and I were out tonight child free with a nice hotel booked but the discussion went onto DSS and ended up in a huge argument. I've come home by myself whilst DH stayed at the hotel.
I don't know if I can continue anymore when I always feel like the bad guy regardless of the situation.

I think you should give up having your grown up DSS live in your house. Whether DH agrees with you or not, DSS behaviour is unacceptable to you. He is almost certainly overcompensating for DSS being out of the picture, but you shouldn't have to suffer for her poor parenting.

I'm guessing DH wouldn't agree to sending DSS off to live elsewhere and begin an independent adult life. Would he agree to moving out with his son and continuing your relationship? If he isn't prepared to offer that much of a compromise, then yes, give up.

Is it your house of shared with dh? If yours, I’d get rid of dh before he can claim on your house as he’s not dealing with his son.

If it's your house, I'm sorry I'd put him out. I wouldn't be giving him a free ride with accommodation, food and love when I felt he was hostile towards me.

We have a joint mortgage but that was just for borrowing purposes, the equity in the house is all mine and I pay the mortgage. We also have a PNA where the house is my asset if we split.
He does however pay all the bills (which doesn't total as much as the mortgage) but if we were to split I'd need to sell up as I couldn't afford the house on my own.

His DS is at college and not earning enough to live on his own

Need more detail!

why did you get married? Was this behaviour not evident beforehand.

most step families end in divorce.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for a 20yo college student to live at home. So of course his parents should house him/feed him.

what has he done that’s vile?

We got married because we love each other. His behaviour was not like this beforehand, certainly nowhere near how it is.
He refers to me as a c*nt when he speaks about me, he's tried to get my daughter to lie for him to try to cover his bad behaviour and he's just generally downright rude and unpleasant to be around.

I wouldn’t have either of them in my house.