Husband going out drinking

[Sasha112]

Does anyone else have a husband / boyfriend in their late 30’s that still goes out drinking with the ‘lads’ and comes home at stupid o’clock?

To be fair, he probably only does this 3/4 times a year. But when he does, it can’t just be for a couple, it has to be all night, and getting ridiculously drunk. It’s embarrassing for me because some of my ( younger ) friends that I work with always spot him out and question me why he’s out when I’m sat at home with the kids and dog. I always get people messaging me aswel saying they’ve seen him chatting to different girls etc at the bars. I’m not a jealous person and I know there’s probably going to be conversations with other woman, but again it’s embarrassing for me when other people see it.

He says things like I’ve got nothing to worry about because ‘the girls are too young’ that go out now etc, but he’s still happy to have conversations with them. I have told him all of this and he just says he’s not going to ignore a person if they come and speak to him / or the group.

I was hoping he would have grown out of it by now but clearly not. Should I just keep
quiet and hope he stops, or make a bigger deal out of it? If he was in a pub with his mates it would be different, but going to night clubs with girls half his age, I just think it’s weird.

I still go out a couple times a year with friends/colleagues and it's a bit of a go big or go home thing.
We all drink a bit too much have a massive giggle and roll home at 3am.
To be fair when I did it whilst still living with my ex I would book a hotel so as to not wake people on my return, so now I'm living alone I don't need to.
I think if it's only a few times a year, then it's not something I would say is worth discussing, but it's not my relationship.
I think the spending time with random girls whilst out drinking might be what concerns you more so try and see why that is.
My group who I do this with range from 23 to 50 both male and female so we all tend to just be chatting and dancing with each other. Sometimes some people just need a harmless release every now and then

It’s 3-4 a year what’s the big deal? I assume you go out with your friends? Why can’t he go out with his friends? Sure he shouldn’t be getting so drunk but it’s good he has friends, you should try it.

3/4 times a year? So once every 4 months or so? Thats not a lot. I assume you go out too. There’s not an issue here. That’s 49 weekends a year he doesn’t go out drinking…

Do you never go out with ‘the girls’ OP?

It’s perfectly normal, but the fact he’s chatting up woman to the extent people are messaging you about it, implies he’s got a name as a sleaze bag.

Why are you putting up with this from him?. When do you get to go out?. You likely don’t because you’re at home with the kids and dog.

I’m nearly 60 I go out more than that. I don’t get hammered but I get tipsy a bit more than 3/4 times a year.

Don’t you have friends you could go out on nights with and let your hair down? It doesn’t have to be drunk nights just out dancing, theatre, cinema, dinner etc

Does he really want to be known as the oldest swinger in town?

I can’t sleep until he gets home. The dog is on edge all night and sits by the front door, barking at every little noise until he comes back. I just think it’s weird clubbing with girls who are so much younger than he is. Someone even sent me a photo once of him having shots with 2 blonde girls at a bar. His response was it’s a small bar, he was being polite and making small talk back to them. I trust him that he wouldn’t cheat, I just don’t like the reputation he seems to be getting of ‘chatting woman up’.

Yes, it’s totally fine with me that he goes out, and it is probably 4 times a year. But the rule is he has to stay out, not come back and wake us up. So he will go stay at his friend’s house or (more likely) they go camping for the night and go to the pub or just sit around the campsite having a few drinks. We all live rurally enough that there is no possibility of drinking and getting home unless you walk, and that not practical or safe.

I don’t drink at all, but I don’t begrudge him a night out. But he doesn’t check out of family life the next day. He’s usually back home by 9am, showers, takes the dog out and is happy to take the kids out somewhere since I was with them all night. While I don’t go out drinking, I do have nights out and weekends away and go on holiday solo myself, so balances out.

In his 30s??

You not be able to sleep is your problem not his. There seems to be two issues here. You not going out hence why you think it’s weird. And apparently being a leech. If you trust him then it shouldn’t be an issue if going out. I find it odd so many of your friends are talking to you and sending you pictures of him out. Maybe there’s more to it and they are trying to soften the blow.

So I can’t really drink because of medical issues. If I do it’s Literaly just 1 or 2. He always comes back saying ‘this girl thought I was this age’ and this girl thought this etc. it’s like he thrives off the attention of other woman.

But I’m assuming this is not new behaviour? You would have went out together when yous were first dating?

It shouldn't be an issue for him to go out drinking with his mates just because he isn't single. But if people are messaging you to say he is chatting with other girls he's either being overly friendly and disrespectful to you, or those messaging you are trying to stir the pot. If it's a few different people messaging i would guess it's the former

We didn’t really go out together as such. More had a few drinks with friends over someone’s house. It stopped for quite a while because of the kids. Well for me anyway.

3-4 times a year is hardly abandonment. It’s fair that he doesn’t embarrass you though.

late thirties here and still go out around 3 times a year for some fun, too much to drink and arrive home sober the next day. I have 3 boys and yes I’m a mummy but I’m also me and we deserve to let our hair down once in a while. You’ve just got to make sure you take your turn

I still have nights out with friends, where we drink a lot and then go home after 3am. I'm mid 40's. I'd find it offensive and frankly weird if people messaged my other half with photos of me talking to men in pubs. Who is it that is sending you these photos and what are their motives.

I can’t sleep until he gets home.

I would be really pissed off if my husband told me I couldn't go out once every 4 months because he couldn't sleep!

Well I wouldn't be happy if my H went out chatting up women in bars.

The fact people are giving you the heads up about this would indicate they are trying to tell you he is behaving in an inappropriate way with these women
It's just so disrespectful of you .
And if he's coming home at "stupid O'clock" do you know the full extent of what he gets up to with these women?

I'm sorry but it sounds as though he's playing you for a fool OP

I’d have no issue with this other than he need to realise he will soon be making a prat of himself.