Really complicated - I think my ex might have had other children before we met?

[WonderingWhy]

He had two children from another relationship, whom I knew about - then we had one, and he left when our child was 1, and got married to someone else. We haven't really seen him since, but I have just looked up his address on google and found lots of stuff relating to a teenage boy who lives with them, (new woman had three children I was told - this is one of them) and the pictures of him are the spitting image of my ex.

He has a blog which I did look at, out of curiosity - he seems like a lovely young man - and he mentions his father having had a wedding at a certain location. Now whether his 'father' is referring to the man whom his mother was previously married to, or my ex, I cannot tell, but they did get married there so it all seems a bit odd.

I am now wondering if they had a child together long before I even knew him, and then he went back to her and married her, and is now living with his elder son.

Perhaps it isn't my business. I am a little shaken though, and unsure what to think.

I wouldn't realy say it was your business, but you are bound to wonder aren't you?

If it's shaken you up, all you can do is think logically and ask yourself why you care? Do you still have unresolved feelings for him? Are you still wondering why he left, and think this might help explain it?

If you are looking him up on google, sounds a little bit like you haven't managed to comletely let him go yet

If you've tracked your ex down on google, have you found an email address? Could you try to make "friendly" contact - which would be of longer term benefit to your DC anyway? And once contact has been established, just ask him directly?
It really is none of your business whatesoever but I know that if it were about half-siblings of my DCs I would be feeling exactly as you are. You just want to know the facts, which is fair enough.

I kind of think it is your business because of the potential for half siblings. Not sure what you can do about it though other than ask outright....

I think I am more concerned at the possibility that he lied to me even more than I realised at the time

Or isn't that something I ought to care about? I think I care about that quite a lot.

I don't still want him back - did for a very long time, not any more - I already made friendly contact last year and he wasn;'t interested in seeing his child.

I suppose that still upsets me quite a lot, but this has made me even more confused.

Thanks for the replies.

I was with him four years and no other child was ever mentioned

Which makes me wonder if I am reading into it too much, and they just look alike by chance.

I wasn't sure when I posted if it was to do with me, but if you had been in a relationship and had a child together, and thought you had been lied to about something rather important throughout that time, would you not see it as relevant to you?

Just can't see why it wouldn't be iyswim!

can you not look up the birth certificate?

How do I do that?

Actually you can do it on the internet.

There are lots of websites that list births deaths and marriages fr decades back. You would probably need to know his name I would think (the boys) and maybe town of birth??

Might be worth chatting over with a trusted friend/ family member in rl though as there are 'issues' about what you could/would do with the info if it transpires he is a half sib of your child.

Am speaking from experience as I have found out I have a half sib but decided nt to persue it very very about it though, as he apparently doesn't know my dad is his (hope that makes sense)

Thankyou, I've been looking for ages just now and can't seem to find my way to any lists..perhaps am too agitated to get it right.
Sorry about your half brother

This might be a starting point

Thankyou so much, will go and have a look

Glad someone has a clear head tonight!

I can really understand why this would be confusing and upsetting for you, even if you do not want him back. It is hard to feel you've been lied to. I think it's worth doing what you can to get to the bottom of this. Good luck x

Yes, I would be very upset at the thought of having been lied to aswell, even if it was a lie by omission. It kind of makes you realise you have lived with someone without ever really knowing them.

There are lots of places you can look it up in the registration of births deaths and marriages. But you would need to know his full name and birthday, because there are masses of records. I went to a place in Winchester to do it, and obviously there is the big place in London.

Thanks for the understanding.

I tried it online butthey only seem to go up to 1983.

I'll perhaps try and go to the office here and look - might just try to forget about it instead!