Dating in my 40s, so weird, no idea what I'm doing!

[Mablebee]

No Idea why I'm writing it hear, I just want to know I'm not the only one winging it and finding it strange!
I'm 40, been in long-term relationships all my life and never dated until now.

It's just odd. Everyone is so different.
I matched with a younger guy a while ago and we had a few dates but ultimately he just wasn't for me for various reasons and i let it fizzle out, as did he.

Then I went on a date with another lovely man but although he looked similar to his pictures he was a bit different to what I expected. To be fair the first one was too. Only so much you can get from a picture right?
Personality wise he also wasn't what I expected and we had no chemistry at all. I don't think I was what he had imagined either.

I have a another date tonight with someone. We have lots in common, we are both happy to just meet up as ourselves, dress in our everyday clothes (were both very outdoorsy) and enjoy a few drinks at a place halfway between where we live.
I've seen pictures so I have an idea of how he looks but now I just have no idea what to expect. He's probably not going to be anything like I'm imagining.
I'm also thinking now that do I look like my pictures. I think I do, one of them he has seen is of me with my horse, hardly any make up at all so that is me and how I look but after the zero chemistry with the last guy I'm thinking did he think I was ugly... I know, don't overthink!

I guess it all just feels weird, meeting a total stranger with the hope you might like eachother and want more 🤣 I guess I just have to chill, chat and remember to listen to him and not get nervous and end up talking too much!

It’s very strange and all seems the wrong way round.

Back in my previous single days you met people out and about, felt an attraction and took it from there getting to know each other as you went along.

Now you’re trying to force a connection with with a random stranger you’ve only seen a few photos of and exchanged a handful of polite texts

It really is a different world now

How much time do you spend talking and getting to know one another before you meet? I’ve always spent a few weeks talking to someone first, if I get bored quickly I know they’re not someone I want to meet. And by the time I do meet someone, I already know we will get along well in the date no matter what does or doesn’t come from it.
Good luck with your date 🤞 I’ve also got a date today, first one in nearly 2 years!

Good luck!
Well man no 1 was much younger we chatted for weeks before we met and then text everyday between dates. Still didn't work out. The last guy was 10 years older than me but very local so we messaged for about a day and then just met up. Felt like a teacher/student or work colleague type meeting 🤣
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The guy tonight I've been messaging for a few days. We have a lot in common and are a similar age, we figured there's no point wasting time building up a false sense of connection through text. We live close enough that it's not a huge journey to meet halfway and we are both free tonight so went for it.

I don't really know what the best way to go about things are!

Have you tried a video phone call?

I would really counsel against lengthy messaging before meeting up. That’s always been a disaster for me. You can have a ridiculously strong connection on the page and active ick in person, and a relationship with someone you don’t click with physically at all is simply not going to work. Agreed that a video call can be a really good idea - I had 3 in quick succession with dp over the single week we were in touch before meeting up, and it meant I already knew there was no ick involved.

I don’t really see why OLD is any worse than dating patterns in the past, I’ve seen Looking for Mr Goodbar and I’ve seen Pride and Prejudice and neither appeals tbh!

Following closely. I too have just turned 40. Very outdoorsy and have horses. Terrified about getting out there and dating again so please let us know how it went. Also which dating site are you using?

How did the date go?

Hey sorry I didn't get any notifications!
So it went well initially but then he got cold feet. Said his job was very full on and it wouldn't be fair on me. The chemistry was amazing between us and I thought he was absolutely gorgeous but it wasn't meant to be.

Oh that’s a shame @Mablebee especially as there was good chemistry.
I had a date recently with a chap very close geographically to me, we got on so well over text, he was perfect on paper, two long long phone calls - but no chemistry my side when we met up, in fact I felt repulsed physically - no idea why - he was ok /normal looking . He was very keen but I just couldn’t. Back to the drawing board but I’m just not finding I’m attracted to any of the profiles apart from the odd one over an hour away - which is too far for me currently.