Unsupportive partner

[RealViewer]

I need to get this out as I have no one else I can really talk to. I've been with my partner for 13 years, we have 4 children and have a good relationship on the whole.
Recently, a close friend of mine passed away unexpectedly, and as you can imagine, I've been upset and feeling rubbish. Struggling to carry on as normal with the family/ work etc. But my partner has been so unsupportive, backstory...
He is the type to hold a grudge for years... he didn't like my friends brother for some reason in the past and now since my friend passing, he has had nothing nice to say about her and has been saying hurtful things about her. It just seems like he wants to upset me more? I just don't understand why he's doing this, he's never said much about my friend before, and even if he didn't like her... why be so insensitive now?

I'm so sorry for your loss which has been made harder by your partner not supporting you. His behaviour seems very mean-spirited. Does he usually support you when you need it?

Is he jealous that your focus is very understandably on your friend (and your subsequent grief), who has passed away, and not on him? How awful for him to behave like this. Whatever the reason, there is no excuse.

A grown man should do much better.

I am sorry for your loss, OP 💐

I had a similar situation with a friend of mine.

When my stepdad passed it was all left to me to organise his funeral as my mum wasn't used to dealing with anything important because my stepdad used to do it all.

We had no money for his funeral as we needed to wait for death certificate and due to it being 3days before Christmas couldn't get his money from his bank or last paycheck.
I was in between jobs but stayed in touch with a work friend. As soon as I told him my dad had passed he asked if I needed anything. I said no it'll be fine. I'll work it out it just might take longer due to the holidays and had to wait to get the money for his funeral. Because of his religious beliefs, where they have to bury in 24 hours he said no way. Let me borrow you the money. I was very grateful and asked for 1k, promising to give it back when the bank releases my dad's money.
But I was still short for some flowers.
So I called my best friend who I'd known since primary school to see if she could lend my £100. She sounded reluctant but said let me get back to you.
A few days later I called her and she refused saying that she didn't like my dad because he wasn't a nice person for all the things he'd put our family through so didn't want to lend me the money. I was shocked. The point is, she wouldn't have been doing it for him. She would have been doing it for me. Seems like some people know how to punish the wrong person at the worst possible time. Low emotional intelligence is probably to blame. I have had many situations like this while grieving. You can talk to us. Sometimes a stranger is much more comfort than someone you know. We won't judge. My deepest condolences 🙏