Wish the EX would do one

Indieholic · 2025-07-04T10:52:26+00:00

Hey I am in a situation where I am cracking up and breaking down my partners ex works for him he never told me it was his ex when we got together a year ago And once I called him out for flirting with her at a new year party and he said he was just joking he would never sleep with her etc well a month later I found out it was his ex gf I worked it out by his pictures on fb as she’s changed her hair colour and that since than and I confronted him and he admitted it and than came all the I’m sorry I didn’t tell you BS anyway since than I can’t stand it I hate the fact they work together in the office he employes her if it was a fling I wouldn’t care so much but it was someone he dated for a few years and they broke up in 2023 so hardly years ago than I met him 2024 i ain’t comfortable with it I’ve even had it out with her and said I can’t stand it I wish you would leave he promised me he would replace her and it’s been months and I’m now sick to death of it it don’t help that the office is below our apartment so I get the privilege of seeing her everyday its all awkward and I’m literally sick to death of it im tired of the fights i don’t know what to do im literally thinking to walk out sitting here and waiting ain’t helping i can’t accept it maybe if he told me at the start but the fact it was kept from me didn’t help this matter i dont know what to do but I’m a miserable sod over this

Rainbowqueeen · 04/07/2025 11:55

Well he’s shown where his priorities lie.

Sounds like he gets a kick out of feeling like 2 women are fighting over him. I’d leave him to it. You deserve better. Move on

DonewhatIcando · 04/07/2025 12:10

Surely he can't just sack her, she's his employee.
I can just see how that would go down at an industrial tribunal.
"I sacked her because my new girlfriend is jealous" 🙄
Did you honesty think when you had it out with her that she was just going to give up her job, her income, her ability to pay her bills just because you said so?
I think your main issue is your insecurity, I'd start working on that.
In your defence, I wouldn't like it either but if my dp wasn't doing everything he could to reassure me (he cant sack her for no reason), by words and actions, I would walk away because my sense of wellbeing is more important that a bloke.

Original poster

Indieholic · 04/07/2025 12:21

i don’t live in the UK so it’s abit different where I am
you can just fire people here there ain’t much people can do about it
corrupt island

shes not even from a EU country so she would need to find a new job instantly or be deported
as as she’s only able to stay in this country due to having this work permit
not that I’m saying I want her deported
but I just want her out of our life
simple

and no I didn’t expect her to bow down to me but I don’t personally think I would be able to put up with that situation and would look into other jobs
shes hardly on a amazing wage
and she works 7 days a week
hardly worth sticking around for to be fair

if I was told from the start I would of accepted it as I had no feelings, than it would be up to me later on down the line to say if I had a problem with it
but the fact I wasn’t told and than having it rubbed in my face everyday cos I happen to sadly live where the office is
call me jealous or what I don’t feel comfortable
I don’t like the fact I wasn’t told
makes me paranoid if there’s more I ain’t informed about

OP posts:

Girlmom35 · 04/07/2025 12:25

Yes he was wrong for lying. You have every right to confront him with it. You also have every right to be upset that he makes promisses and doesn't keep them.

I do think that your way of dealing with the situation is overly emotional and blown way out of proportion. And because you're so emotionally overwhelmed, you're not thinking clearly. Your expectations are a bit absurd even.
He's a business owner and an employer. Business is business. There are rules for a reason. An employer can't just fire someone because his girlfriend of 1 year doesn't like an employee. He can't and shouldn't risk his business and his reputation because of your insecurity. It would be highly unprofessional of him. And if you were thinking clearly, you'd see that.

I also acknowledge that your boyfriend is a conflict avoider, and he has made this situation a whole lot worse by not being upfront, but also by not giving you clear boundaries to not dictate how he runs his business.
He should have told you from the start that his ex worked for him.
He should have been clear that his ex working for him was a business decision and is not up for discussion. You are not a co-owner or a business partner. You are not a manager. You are his girlfriend, and private and professional matters don't mix. Your feelings about an employee don't get to decide whether she works there or not.
He should be clear that he's not willing to fire her because it makes you insecure.
Rather than doing that, he lies and makes promisses and tells you what you want to hear, only to break your trust later on. You need to realise that his avoidant behaviour is going to cause many more problems down the road. This won't be the last time something like this happens.

So to sum it up, I think you're both handling this situation very immaturely.
I'm not saying you have to be okay with him working with his ex every day. It's understandable that you don't like it. But if he's the kind of person who doesn't see a problem in that, then maybe you're just not compatible and you don't share the same values.

Original poster

Indieholic · 04/07/2025 12:31

Girlmom35 · 04/07/2025 12:25

Yes he was wrong for lying. You have every right to confront him with it. You also have every right to be upset that he makes promisses and doesn't keep them.

I do think that your way of dealing with the situation is overly emotional and blown way out of proportion. And because you're so emotionally overwhelmed, you're not thinking clearly. Your expectations are a bit absurd even.
He's a business owner and an employer. Business is business. There are rules for a reason. An employer can't just fire someone because his girlfriend of 1 year doesn't like an employee. He can't and shouldn't risk his business and his reputation because of your insecurity. It would be highly unprofessional of him. And if you were thinking clearly, you'd see that.

I also acknowledge that your boyfriend is a conflict avoider, and he has made this situation a whole lot worse by not being upfront, but also by not giving you clear boundaries to not dictate how he runs his business.
He should have told you from the start that his ex worked for him.
He should have been clear that his ex working for him was a business decision and is not up for discussion. You are not a co-owner or a business partner. You are not a manager. You are his girlfriend, and private and professional matters don't mix. Your feelings about an employee don't get to decide whether she works there or not.
He should be clear that he's not willing to fire her because it makes you insecure.
Rather than doing that, he lies and makes promisses and tells you what you want to hear, only to break your trust later on. You need to realise that his avoidant behaviour is going to cause many more problems down the road. This won't be the last time something like this happens.

So to sum it up, I think you're both handling this situation very immaturely.
I'm not saying you have to be okay with him working with his ex every day. It's understandable that you don't like it. But if he's the kind of person who doesn't see a problem in that, then maybe you're just not compatible and you don't share the same values.

I can agree with this to a certain extent
but sadly I don’t accept it and I won’t and I have my own right choice and right
I ain’t gonna sit around having it eat me up
no sorry

and he has his right to aswell to keep her on
but than he needs to be honest with me because if that is the case than I will walk
i ain’t going to waste my time anymore being miserable
I am sick to death of it now

OP posts:

Suednymph · 04/07/2025 15:47

You met him last year and already live together and you want him to fire staff because they have a history.... you really are quite controlling and I can see why he witheld the information to be honest. You and he are not compatible and it will not last. Walk away now for both of your sakes.

Puftpuft · 04/07/2025 20:12

Yh he won't replace her. Not a chance. So either accept it or dump him.

Original poster

Indieholic · 05/07/2025 03:48

For everyone saying I’m controlling just so you know I put up with that I don’t like
but I’m still around
anyway Tonight I went out with a mate to a rock festival for a few hours because I never do nothing
and I wanted to enjoy myself
and he was fine with it
said enjoy yourself but if you cheat on me I’ll ki&ll you
anyway I went ahead and went out and I was dumped
didn’t like me going out texting where I am and seeing a video of me singing to music in a crowd with my friend
so i think I have all the right to be fed up
i put up with that for months and I’m still here
and a night out and something he don’t like he’s been a complete horrible wet wipe with me
imagine I worked along side a ex everyday in a office chatting and what have you

so don’t even try to patronise me
this has been a wake up call
its done

OP posts:

Meadowfinch · 05/07/2025 04:25

I'm sorry you're not happy OP but an end to the relationship is probably for the best.

A professional and responsible employer does not fire a member of staff because they previously had a relationship, and his new woman is feeling insecure. He shouldn't have lied to you but to fire her would be unreasonable, unfair, spiteful....

She has worked for the company for years, and probably has valuable skills & knowledge it would be expensive for the company to lose.

She relies on her job, not only to pay her rent and feed herself but for her residency in the country. The fact that you thought, just because she has no access to an employment tribunal, it would be ok for him to fire her and for her to lose her home and be deported, despite having done nothing wrong, is appalling.

Probably one of the most spiteful, petulant and self absorbed things I've read on Mumsnet in a long time !!

Zanatdy · 05/07/2025 05:07

Sounds like ending this is the best thing. He is controlling and jealous, don’t let listen to him trying to sweet talk you, he won’t change.

Original poster

Indieholic · 05/07/2025 09:33

Meadowfinch · 05/07/2025 04:25

I'm sorry you're not happy OP but an end to the relationship is probably for the best.

A professional and responsible employer does not fire a member of staff because they previously had a relationship, and his new woman is feeling insecure. He shouldn't have lied to you but to fire her would be unreasonable, unfair, spiteful....

She has worked for the company for years, and probably has valuable skills & knowledge it would be expensive for the company to lose.

She relies on her job, not only to pay her rent and feed herself but for her residency in the country. The fact that you thought, just because she has no access to an employment tribunal, it would be ok for him to fire her and for her to lose her home and be deported, despite having done nothing wrong, is appalling.

Probably one of the most spiteful, petulant and self absorbed things I've read on Mumsnet in a long time !!

You can call me what you want
maybe I am bitter and spiteful
but after having that dangled in front my eyes for the past year I think I have all the right
im sick to death of it

its easy to say this and say that but until your put in this situation for a long time maybe you may come across as a spiteful person to mate

OP posts: