I don’t know if I want to be married anymore

[Moofus]

hi all
Long story short, I’ve been with my husband for 10 years now. We own a house and have two cats - no kids. Marriage is fine for the most part but a bit sexless and I find myself longing to be single again. He’s a lovely person, but I just don’t feel a spark anymore and I see him more as a best friend.

For the last year I’ve been infatuated with someone else. We met online, and this guy said he likes me too. When we talk on the phone it can go on for hours and I just find him so endearing, funny, witty and charming. I lose myself in talking to him.

I am so confused and scared. Part of me thinks I should work on my marriage despite how I feel in it (lonely, ignored, cut off) but another part of me wonders if I’ll regret not putting myself first years from now. I feel I’ve always done things “by the book” to please others - even getting married. I feel like I fell in to it. Even my wedding day felt nice but it wasn’t me.

I hate this because my husband is genuinely a good person and this online guy has no clue how I feel, despite the time talking. I don’t know what to do and feel like the worst person ever because I watched my parents go through divorce etc and my mum had an affair, I know what it does to people. I want to be honest but how? What do I say? To either of them?

this is all so confusing :(

Then you leave, woman up, tell your husband he's not enough for you and you leave rhe marital home and seek divorce.
Where's your husband when you're having your emotional affair and love chat? How do you find the time with work?

I’ve never hidden anything from him. He knows I talk with this person and that he admitted to liking me. I just didn’t expect to feel the same way, which is why all of this is so confusing. When I do talk with this person it’s never flirty, he’s just very chatty

Did you not like the responses on your other thread telling you you to stop it and block your affair?
You already are putting yourself first in all this.

So you've not hidden from your husband you're having an emotional affair, want to leave him and he's not enough for you?
Ouch.

I know how it sounds and I don’t like any of it. It’s just so confusing and upsetting and I don’t want to hurt anyone

What's keeping you with your husband? Is it your lifestyle? Do you work? Could you fund the same on your own?

There's no point in staying with someone in this situation. Both of you would be happier apart. You're not giving everything to the relationship and neither is your husband. I wouldn't leave for the other man but for the chance of a happier life.

I assume you haven’t met the online man? An online relationship is completely different to real life. Would you still want to leave your husband if the online man didn’t work out?

You are unhappy with your husband and have no children to complicate matters so it would be better to leave. Tell your husband what you wrote here ( that you feel lonely, bored and cut off in your marriage) and suggest a separation whilst you decide the next step.
He knows you are chatting to another man so it might not come as a surprise to him.
Your online chat may well be meaningless though and lead to nothing, so don't count on that. As a pp says an online relationship is not like a real life one! Do this for yourself and your future.

It doesn’t have to be so black and white - end your marriage or stay to work on it forever. You could explain everything to your husband and ask for a trial separation for an agreed amount of time. It would be cruel to leave it open ended. Don’t have contact with either of them during that time and do a lot of serious thinking about what you want from a relationship. Not just long term but also how your lives to be day to day. It will also give you the opportunity to see how life would be on your own. Two or three months of that is bound to give you the clarity you need to make a decision.

This will 100% end in tears.

The online guy will bin you off after he's shagged you a few times.

Also the online guy is chatting with other women.

If you don’t have kids - leave. There’s no reason to stay and suffer.

ha ha you mean 2/3 months off, so she can give it a try with the online guy and if doesnt work can go back to her safety net, bit unfair on the poor bloke left at home.

Tell your husband.

Tell him you're unhappy enough in your relationship that your head has been turned by some chatty guy online.

If he has no solutions and/or feels the same you can agree to an amicable split.

There is no law which states you have to stay married ! Be honest. It's a short life and you and your husband deserve happiness

"online guy" !!! You don't know him personally at all, then! Doesn't matter if you talk on the phone for hours. You still don't know him, he could be anyone and have any number of other women. Please block him and forget about him. You absolutely need to go back to work on your marriage and have a frank conversation with your DH. Marriage isn't easy, you are finding out now that sometimes you really have to work at it. Running off with some 'online guy' is a terrible idea.

This is essentially online dating in 2025, everyone is happy to stay single, no one wants the responsibility of anyone else.

If you terminate your relationship, do it to be long term single, because that's the way it is.

Would you ethically open the relationship, is there any merit in that?

I said don’t have contact with either of them.