I've been with this man for 12 months. He's 10 years older than me, and lives over 100 miles away, so decided to move in with me within 3 weeks of dating (although we'd known each other for some time before this). He proposed within 5 months, and for the most part of the first few months, wasn't working intermittently and taking drugs heavily.
Weeks after proposing, I found out that he had shared explicit images of me, his ex girlfriend and his partner previous to that on a cuckold website, trying to get men he was talking to to compliment his partner. He claims this was all linked to cocaine, and that he would never touch drugs again, along with coming off all sites. I tried to leave him then; but he made me believe I meant more to him than this and he would leave it alone. Meanwhile, after conducting a Claire's Law search, I found that he had 3 accusations of domestic abuse against him, along with 1 allegation of sexual abuse.
I am so brainwashed and manipulated at this point, I believe him when tells me "oh, it must have been my ex-partner who set up another cuckold site, she knows my email address, it wasn't me, I'd never do that to you again". Or when he's sat in his van after work, and I can actively see him on the sites, he remind me that "I'd do anything for you, I love you more than anything, I'd be lost without you", and the cycle of me feeling sorry for him continues.
He was on cocaine so badly one night (not recently), that he had convinced himself I was having an affair whilst doing the food shop, he pinned me down to get my phone off me, ended up grabbing my arm and shoving me to the floor. In turn, this ignited a rage in me, I ended up pushing him up against the wall and telling him to get out.
He's also incredibly controlling; making things difficult to see my family and friends, always wanting me to be around and at home when he gets back from work, telling me how much he hates it when I'm not home.
Months on since the shared images, I find myself increasingly paranoid, up to my eyeballs in debt from the money he demands from me to be able to go to see his children, use my car, pay for days out, and probably, buy cocaine I imagine. The drug use has stopped, granted, for quite some time, maybe over 6 months. But the feeling in my head that this man CAN NOT be trusted won't go away.
My dilemma is; how on earth do I get this man out of my home, without the guilt setting in beforehand and me changing my mind? I don't have long; he wants me to move down the country to be closer to his children, and after last night seeing his credit report, I'm his best shot at making that happen. What steps can I take to prevent him being able to either manipulate me into changing my mind, or at worst, hurting me or threatening suicide if I leave him?
He has a key to my house, so I can't stop him coming back, and if I change the locks I'd be terrified he'd try to break in, or go mental in the street, which is embarrassing with the neighbours.
Any tips, advice or support you can give or if you've experienced this, I'd love to hear it.