Why do I stay?

[Maturedmama]

Been with hubby since I was 19yrs now 20 yrs on we are still 2 gether it’s been volatile to say the least I have many bruises from him throwing things at me😡 while the kids are present I have 2 older 2 younger the older ones have said he has caused them anxiety yet I am still here 😡 he get angry out of no where for no reason once I ordered a take away and forgot to order chips and I got a pool ball thrown at my side 🙈 as I have got older I don’t argue back just walk away but each time tho they are getting less I feel myself hating him more! He can be great at times he’s more a hands on man fixing things not with the kids but I can live with that as he provides🙄 I don’t have any family is this why I have stayed? I am just so confused I know the relationship is not great for my kids at times but I stay? I think I may be starting to hate my self for not having the guts to go! I just feel really confused any advice would be helpful

You can get used to anything and you have children, it can feel difficult to make changes.

The first step is to contact a domestic abuse organisation and get advice. He's physically abusive and could escalate, so get assessed for safety.

The second step is to get information on separation and what happens financially in the event of divorce.

You can contact Rights of Women for free legal advice. Wikivorce has lots of information as does the CABx website. Gingerbread has a good helpline and Turn2us has advice on benefits.

It's not going to get better OP and you all deserve to feel safe.

Your tone is surprisingly detached and relaxed to be honest.
He threw a snooker ball at you? Those things are heavy. That was really dangerous.
Your two older children have clearly told you that he has given them anxiety. That's awful. Is that what you want for your two younger children?

Im sorry but I dont think its registering with you quite how bad this is. You need to find some self-respect and courage. You have been taking the easy way for a long time, and it has cost two of your children their mental health.