Is love/ romance real?

[Wonderingwomaniam]

im Talking about the kind in love songs by the likes of ed Sheeran etc…
my partner says it’s not real and they write these songs whilst on drugs.

Anyone?

Nope. It's lust and then routine until boredom sets in, imo.

Your partner sounds lovely

If you want to be cynical about it, it’s all projection

Yes! Of course it’s real. Shakespeare didn’t take drugs. I’m not sure Ed Sheeran takes drugs does he?

I wouldn’t waste my love on someone who expressed such silly views. What do you think? That’s as important as what he thinks. More so.

All-comsuming love ans romance is real. But I just don’t think it is always that well reflected in songs or movies. Diane Warren has written a lot of the most famous all time love songs of all time (look her up) and she famously says she has never been in love. So it’s not that surprising to me that your husband doesn’t particularly connect with what someone else’s idea of love is. It could be completely different to his or it could even be completely imagined.

Married 60 years and yes it depends what you feel and looking for

Of course love and romance is real. Some people don't experience it though.

Sounds like you need to throw this fish back in the sea though @Wonderingwomaniam !!! 😬

Only if you don't live together? 😂

Shakespeare smoked weed and took plenty of cocaine. He was definitely on a lot of drugs

What do you think @Wonderingwomaniam?

Why so reliant on what your partner says? Use your own brain.

I’d actually cut the routine bit out.

it’s lust then boredom for the rest of your life unless you are really lucky!

Realistically, this pretty much sums it up 😂

Lust then boredom 😆

This is why a partner with a good sense of humour is so important.

So...
You're not feeling loved and cherished.
You tried to communicate this to your partner, and he fobbed you off.
You've turned to the internet to reassure yourself your feelings are valid.
Either way, nothing changes from your partner's end.

Sounds like this is not a healthy relationship for you.

Pretty much

My partner of 7 years randomly texted me "you are loved xxx" this morning, is that Ed Sheeran enough? (I don't make a point of listening to Ed Sheeran!)

The love that they write about in songs.. I felt that once, it didn’t work out. I’m not sure anyone is supposed to feel that forever though, it’s too intense and insane.

Oh.

Every person feels love differently, depending on so many factors such as their personality, their upbringing, their childhood traumas, their attachment styles.

Imagine love on a scale from 1 to 10.
Some people can only feel love up to 6. That’s their maximum. You could be the person they loved the most in their life and yet the warmth and passion you’ll get from them will only be a 6 out of 10.
Others may be more loving, perhaps an 8 and of 10, but how would you feel if you knew that they loved all the other women they’ve been with a 9 out of 10?

Some people are very intense, consumed by love. But once they get secure in the relationship the heat dies down. Others are simmering consistently, never getting hotter but never getting colder either.

In my experience, when love is passionate, intense and hot it never lasts. Without exception. I now stay away from that kind of love, although I do see it with lasting for of my friends. I am, of course, a bit envious, but I understand that they’re able to have that kind of love because they are different to me, and they choose different partners than I do. I can only work with who I am.

Would love to know your sources for this?

Neither are native to the UK. Tobacco was brought back during the Elizabethan era, and obviously there was alcohol, and coffee was a relatively new drug, but I haven't heard this before and would be interested to look into it further.

There's evidence of hemp being grown and used for fibres in the UK from as early as 10thC, but AFAIK no evidence for smoking it until much much later, long after tobacco was imported and became popular. Can you point me to some articles?

With cocaine, it wasn't extracted/isolated from coca leaf until 1860, long after Shakespeare.
Coca leaf for chewing might have come earlier, as expeditions to South America were contemporary, but I haven't seen it mentioned anywhere - can you give some reading references?

On the actual topic OP raised: yes, I think so, but mostly the intensity is in the first two years when our brains are flooded with oxytocin and vasopressin. That's the madly in love honeymoon phase, and typically lasts up to 2-2.5 years.

After that, it can settle down into a comfortable warm routine, where deeper enduring/committed love and attachment replaces the lust and intensity. But still with moments of love so intense you feel high from them. And people still write songs about that kind of love.

I'm very much into my current partner as we're over 5 years in and still feel madly and romantically in love, so I'm hoping it can endure much much longer - although I do agree, having tried both, that we keep the intensity much better when we're not living together and have time to miss each other, keep having adventures, and not get stuck in the mundane day to day.
No drugs needed to feel or express love though.

@Wonderingwomaniam people like Ed Sheeran are on a huge money making machine. They start when fans are younger and write songs which appeal to us at each stage of our life. If you love his stuff, its because it's tailored for say 40 somethings. This is from someone who knows Ed and his team well. My point is don't assume he's sitting there randomly writing stuff that affects him, its all about the money.

When I was younger, an ex told me similar to your partner. His exact words were people tolerate each other. It really upset me and we split up because i wanted romantic love. I met someone where I was crazy about, but even that didnt work because it just wasn't sustainable in reality.

Forget about me, what do you want?

I saw it in a Tudor museum in Stratford upon Avon. I remember being quite surprised when I read it. If you do a simple google you can find lots of info on it. Pipe fragments of his showed traces of weed and cocaine

Listening to love song lyrics might be soppy and sentimental stuff- but if your husband is saying he doesn’t feel a deep connection and love for you then something is wrong?