Any experience of a complicated (and violent) breakup with a psycho? Advice needed please...

[bohemianbint]

Not for me, I hasten to add, but my younger sister broke up with her boyfriend yesterday. They've been living together for a couple of years but have only just taken out a new lease on a flat 6 weeks ago. Both names are on the contract.

When she told him yesterday, he threw a glass at her head, which missed and went through the window. He pulled her hair, banged her head on the door and cut up her clothes. She got a few things out but a lot of things are still there, including things like her passport etc. He has said he's going to change the locks.

She's now staying with my parents, but here's the thing. With both names being on the contract apparently the only way they can get out of it is if they both give notice. I can imagine he'll refuse to do this to make life difficult, and may even continue to live at the flat. Turns out he hasn't paid the rent even though he was supposed to have. (My sister has been supporting him for the whole time they've been living together with him only making the odd contribution to the bills.) If he stays there and doesn't pay then they will both get a CCJ and there doesn't seem to be anything she can do. May parents have said they will lend her the money temporarily to pay the rent so that this doesn't happen, but it hardly seems fair.

I told her to log yesterday's events with the police, but is there anything that she can do to get out of the situation? Am so angry that he has reacted like this and damaged her stuff, but is there no come back - does he just get to wreck her stuff, drive her out of her home and force her to keep paying for it!?

Would really appreciate any advice.

I don't really know but can't she phone the landlord, explain what's happened and give him notice on her part. Landlord may then decide to kick the ex out, would probably not want the bother of that type of renter.

Police should be able to give her an escort/protection to get her things out of the house as well. A friends daughter has done this just recently.

I imagine that Women's Aid can probably give you lots of advice about this. They'll be used to dealing with situations like this. Womens Aid There is a search facility to find your sister's nearest service.
Has she been to hospital or seen a doctor to have the violence documented? It may also be worth taking photographs of the injuries for evidence if required. Has she considered pressing charges?

Cheers for the repy BrownSuga.

The flat is rented through an agency; she spoke to them yesterday but as the tenancy is in both names he also needs to agree to give notice or it just goes on. I don't know if the landlord would decide to kick them both out if he knew, but it's whether the agents will tell him...

Doesn't help that it's bank holiday and she can't contact the agents now til Tuesday!

He assaulted her so she should tell the police. Even if it is just logged in case (god forbid) he does something else. He also has no right to damage her property so he should also be reported for criminal damage.

She could also request the police attend with her to collect the rest of her belongings to prevent a breach of the peace.

Have no idea re the lease, hopefully speaking to the landlord will help. Where they on a trial period maybe?

She must log it with the police, I used to call them every time my ex fucked up and they have him on record now as someone who was involved in domestic abuse, it helped when I pressed charges, also it means that any other woman he ever does it to has a back-up.

A friend recently pressed charges on her ex, only to find out he has done it all before, but this only helps her case, hopefully he'll get a longer sentence for it.

WRT the property she needs to speak to CAB, she will be able to get out of the tenancy, especially if she cannot live there through fear of her safety, I don't think he can legally change the locks either, it's not his house, the landlord would have to agree or he would be violating the tenancy so make sure she is aware of that, as are the letting agents.

Any belongings she wants to collect she can get a police escort for.

HTH.

Unfortunately, there isn't really anything visual to see - I don't know how badly she banged her head, and the glass (luckily) went through the window. As far as I know he hasn't been violent to her before, but he has a record for GBH from just before they got together. So doesn't bode well, unfortunately.

My dad and brother would both go round but my sister doesn't want them to, she's worried there would be a fight.

Will deffo look into the women's aid link and see if they can help, thanks for the tip.

I can't believe he's reacted like this.

Doesn't need to be anything visual, all she has to do is register a complaint, she could call them, tell them what happened and say she just wants it on file as she is worried he may do something again and wants to be sure the police are aware of the situation.
This includes any threatening phonecalls/texts.
I have everything on file, from phonecalls claiming he wanted to throw acid in my face(of which I had no proof) to actual assaults with witnesses, they were really great with it TBH.
They take domestic violence very seriously, proof or no.

Thanks for the replies.

The police came today and are going to the flat with her tomorrow, it sounds like they were really helpful.

Really appreciate the advice, thanks.