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Original poster

Help please

10 replies

Lonelyman · 02/07/2025 15:09

Hello
I'm reaching out because I could really use some advice.
I'm a 52 year old man, and I've never had a girlfriend. During my 20s and 30s, I was focused on work I put in long hours, and to be honest, I was also very shy when it came to approaching anyone.
Now, later in life, I find myself feeling quite lonely. I do have friends and hobbies, and I keep myself busy, but I really miss having someone special to share life with. I have a good job, I own my home, I’m healthy, and I go to the gym regularly.
The problem is, I’m not sure how to meet someone at this stage in life. I don’t have many female friends I can turn to for advice, and I’m unsure where to start or what I might need to change about my approach. Dating apps haven't worked out, and I don’t consider myself attractive, which makes me feel even more discouraged.
If anyone has any tips on how to meet someone or build a meaningful relationship, I’d be truly grateful.
Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
Eric1964 · 02/07/2025 15:14

I don't have any great tips, mate, but I want you to hear two things: a) 52 isn't old and, paradoxically, b) you don't have time to waste!

Marineboy67 · 02/07/2025 15:23

Do you have any male friends who are single? It may be easier and less of an ordeal if you could maybe attend a 'singles' evening or a relative club type of thing with someone. Quite a daunting prospect on your own.

Original poster
Lonelyman · 02/07/2025 17:17

Marineboy67 · 02/07/2025 15:23

Do you have any male friends who are single? It may be easier and less of an ordeal if you could maybe attend a 'singles' evening or a relative club type of thing with someone. Quite a daunting prospect on your own.

Most of my friends are married. I did attend a singles evening and I went home with no connections or phone numbers.. I'm ugly.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lonelyman · 02/07/2025 17:18

Eric1964 · 02/07/2025 15:14

I don't have any great tips, mate, but I want you to hear two things: a) 52 isn't old and, paradoxically, b) you don't have time to waste!

Thank you.

OP posts:
Laiste · 02/07/2025 17:23

Why haven't dating apps worked?

I mean what went wrong?

Laiste · 02/07/2025 17:23

Have you tried a proper match making site?

Eric1964 · 02/07/2025 17:39

Lonelyman · 02/07/2025 17:17

Most of my friends are married. I did attend a singles evening and I went home with no connections or phone numbers.. I'm ugly.

Show quote history

OK, my friend - you need a serious talking-to! BTW, I'm 58, so a bit ahead of you. I'm married, but not happily - that's for another day, but it is relevant, because it's meant I've had to build my self-esteem from outside my marriage. You need to work on your self-esteem so that whether you're ugly or not becomes totally irrelevant! So let's deal with the word 'ugly'. I don't know whether you are. But I do know that 'beauty' and 'ugliness' do exist, despite all the you're-beautiful-on-the-inside shit that people come out with, but whether you are or not needs to become irrelevant. To get my dose of self-esteem, I get stuck into activities which are completely outside my marriage but don't threaten it in any way. When I do these things - creative projects - I come away feeling good, validated, proud of myself, and I've usually made connections with people as well. Now, I'm not in the market for a relationship so that's not what it's about - which takes the pressure off. That's where you need to be, initially. I've had a hard time in my marriage for the past 15 years but, in that time, I've also done some things I'm proud of and nae-one's gonna take that away from me! So that's where your initial focus needs to be. Ask yourself - what do I love doing? Have I allowed myself to indulge this, fully? In my case, my creative projects take time away from my marriage, but I owe it to myself. Likewise, you owe it to yourself to make yourself feel good. You have a duty to pursue happiness, even if you don't achieve it.

Also - you may consider spending time in male-dominated environments, so that you're not feeling judged by women. To the women reading this, I'm not saying you're judgemental as a sex; you have a right to be, in any case. I'm saying that men often imagine judgement from women even when it isn't there. Also, it's not right for a man to go looking for validation from women - it's not their job to give it. A man's validation should come mainly from himself. It's a tall order, but life's hard.

Find your talents, develop them, indulge them! You deserve it.

Original poster
Lonelyman · 02/07/2025 18:37

Laiste · 02/07/2025 17:23

Why haven't dating apps worked?

I mean what went wrong?

I had very few matches, I tried to have conversation with those few matches but some of them stop answering, maybe I'm not interesting enough. I try to ask questions about them and I try to be funny...

OP posts:
Dashel · 02/07/2025 20:19

Have you tried the usual sort of activities where you meet people in an easier environment to talk without trying to date, like team sports, group exercise, a course of some description or volunteering?

Gymbunny2025 · 02/07/2025 21:53

Do you mean you’ve never had sex but want to start? Or is it more companionship you want? Would you ideally like to get married?

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