To not want to go back on contraception

[Farmwifefarmlife]

We have 3 DC, no 3 unplanned but we had spoke about having a 3rd so was kind of 50/50. We both definitely do not want a no4!

I have a family history of blood clots & other health issues and I’d rather not go back on contraception I am also still
BFing. The drs won’t even consider tube tie as I’m under 30.

DH won’t consider the snip. Youngest is now 10months old DH is starting to grumble about the lack of sex. No3 was conceived when we were “being careful “ condoms just seem to be forgotten in the heat of the moment so I’ve basically said that until one of us is on a permanent contraception I won’t be up for it! Has anyone else been in this situation? Any tips or suggestions? DH thinks IABU! But I don’t want to risk a 4th.

Is your dh under 30 too?
Would you consider non hormonal contraception e.g. copper coil?

Sounds like a him problem 🫠

“being careful “ condoms just seem to be forgotten in the heat of the moment

This is a really shit excuse. If you really don't want DC4 then you'll both remember. I do totally sympathise about not being on contraception though, and the responsibility should not just fall on you. For me it's no condom, no sex.

How can you forget a condom in the heat of the moment if you both absolutely don’t want a 4th child? Doesn’t make sense, just reckless.

DH needs to get the snip really. Way less invasive than you having your tubes done, it’s literally all don’t and dusted within 20 minutes.
my DH ended up having the ‘scalpeless’ procedure (no stitches needed) but ended up in A&E as it wouldn’t stop bleeding.. he was dead worried at the time.. but the day after it was all sorted he said if the vasectomy failed he’d still do it again.

I was 25 months when I was accepted for tube removal; I asked for my tubes removed when we had our second child. I knew we didn’t want more. I actually ended up not having it done due to forgetting to ask on the day as DS was an emergency c section.

I would go back to the GP and ask again for tube removal. You’ve got 3 children; they should accept you so I’d get a second opinion.

A man who won’t take contraception responsibility after 3 kids. The source of absent libidos around the world. It’s quite difficult to get aroused while worrying about pregnancy and knowing your partner doesn’t think he has any responsibility.

there is no reason for you to keep taking the risks of birth control. Your body has been through enough. It’s his turn. If he isn’t ready, then abstinence is a decent alternative.

Have you considered the Fertility Awareness method?
It's not anything like the rhythm method, it's got scientific backing and has the same accuracy as birth control pills when done correctly. There's a few different types, some use daily basal body temperature measurements to track ovulation and some use daily mucus readings, or you can do both.

Really there's only a two days month where you are most fertile, plus a few days before and after that fertility can still be risky (so 5-7 days a month). This method helps you determine those fertility signs so you can avoid those days. Big plus is obviously not needing to have any surgery or mess up your hormones.

You can get things like Temp Drop or an Oura Ring to make it super simple, but it can be done for free as well!

Happy to elaborate or help you find some resources if you want to know more 😊

Edit: sleep deprived= so many spelling issues

My husband was totally against having the snip but I refused to go back on the pill and luckily he didn't like condoms....so the alternative was we did nothing....he eventually caved. Poor lad didn't have a great time with it, the laser kept hitting a nerve, and then he got an infection and got swollen balls. I almost felt sorry for him. I think the issue was in his head he likened it to a dog being neutered, when it's not the same at all.

He needs to take responsibility. Your body has suffered enough with 3 pregnancies and previously taking contraception. No snip = no sex.

I was in the same position. After DC3 and the wear and tear on my body we decided it was DHs turn to take some responsibility. He really didn’t want to and was very worried about it.. but he changed his mind and marched off to the drs. No problems and all very quick and easy with fast recovery.
2 years on from the procedure we still haven’t managed to get his sample tested.. so we still don’t use it as 100% contraception!.. must get that sorted ! But his body, his choice… your body, your choice and if it means you don’t want sex that’s up to you.

No he is 11 yrs older.

I was in exactly the same situation. Literally everything you said including the number of kids! DH eventually got booked into have the snip. Then backed out last min (complete wimp). I decided to take control and get the copper coil because I no longer wanted to risk it. It’s been in a month and apart from heavier period I haven’t had any issues.

I'm sort of in the same situation, I have 3 children (7, 5.5, 4). After my youngest was born I was on the mini-pill but it made me feel ill, I was feeling and looking all bloated every single day (the way I'd normally feel for a few days before a period) and it also caused vitamin B/folate deficiencies, and I already have low iron. So I stopped it about 6 months ago. I don't want anything else with hormones because the same thing would happen again. I'm too scared and hate the idea of a coil so that's not an option either.

I do want a 4th child though, DH says he doesn't (well he does but not now) but he doesn't use condoms and knows that I don't use anything. He normally 'pulls out' on the days I'm supposed to be able to get pregnant (which obviously could still fail) but didn't this month.

Not sure what I'll do when I don't want anymore children really as he will never get the snip and I don't want to be on anything. I'm not getting my tubes tied cause after having 3 kids (2 of them category 1 EMCS) I don't see why I should. I am also under 30 OP, I'm 26.