Am I wrong

[Unicornsrule99]

Am I in the wrong?
After having 2 children and no childcare locally or grandparents etc. I didn't work until around 4 years ago. We've always had a shared bank account but I also have another one that i opened aged 18 and it's still open. Our child benefit goes into this account every week. My husband has requested that I have this paid into our joint account because he believes I am robbing him and our kids of this money. I will sometimes put the money into the joint account but on occasions I will use it for things I might need I.e make -up, I've topped up the kids lunch money, bought teachers leaving gifts etc.
My husband doesn't stop me from using the money in the joint account (which I also pay into now as I'm working) but he will often tell me to stop spending his inheritance that he was gifted by a family member which he knows makes me feel awful. Even though I also pay into said account with my wages. He always questions things I buy so keeping the child benefit in my account makes me feel as though I have something of my own. I don't go out for nights out or weekends away so the money doesn't get spent on that.
Am I in the wrong for keeping it time to time?

Put the child benefit straight into the joint account.
Put your wages into your personal account. Transfer some into the joint. Keep some for yourself.

The reason why Child benefit is paid to the mother is to help prevent financial abuse by her partner. And to give her guaranteed access to money.
So of course you are right to keep it and use it as you see fit for the benefit of your children and yourself.

I had thought about this but I obviously earn more than £43 a week. It made more sense to have my wages paid into thr joint account and keep the £43 as this was already going into my account.

This

It’s not about the child benefit.
There are deeper conversations to be had between you. It sounds like he is carrying resentment about financially’carrying’ the family; and doesn’t understand how important it is to have a safety net when one is financially dependent.
You both need to be more open and not defensive- easier said than done.
Would some couples counselling be an option? Or there are some useful books , for example ’five arguments all couples need to have’

The child benefit is for the benefit of your children. It is not your personal source of savings. So yes I can quite understand him objecting to you squirrelling that away while he pays for all child costs out of his salary or inheritance. (You don’t say how old your children are but it sounds like for a long time he was covering all costs? And what proportion is he now covering? And is it easy to cover everything the children need or a strain?).

As a separate issue, if you gave up your ability to earn, with his agreement or encouragement, in order to raise your DC, then you need financial security and you should not be treated as if you can’t spend any of the family money. You need to come to an agreement with him about how that is all arranged, so indeed you have some pot of money (not the child benefit) for your personal spending.

right now, you are basically laying claim to the wrong pot of money, because you have nominal control over it, in order to avoid having the right conversation about how to organise your finances.

if your husband is abusive/ controlling, this may be the only option, but no it’s not the ideal way I’d arrange it in a healthy, functioning family.

the money is paid by the government to the mother, because it is far more likely to be spent on the child that way - and that is what it’s for. If that is best kept in their interest as an emergency fund if you have to leave then go for it… but it’s not for make up in my opinion.