Should I just walk.....

[Lostintheprocess]

Hi guys

Me and my partner been together for 12 years got 1 dd and I can honestly say I probably know the answer regarding this question but should I just walk away?

Always had ups and downs. Not married. Bought our house 2years ago in my name only.

Ended up letting my heart out on paper this eve to him for him to say "you make out your perfect and no point me saying anything i may aswell just leave" which is major gaslighting and ended with him getting up and going after throwing some insults in my direction. He's troubled deeply troubled on his own merit from trauma.

I spent an hour writing a letter to him outlining why I was not happy earlier too hoping he would understand but nothing.. am right to walk away?

You and he should not be together. And he was never going to respond to a letter, in his head it’s always someone else’s fault (ie yours) and not his.

What sort of a relationship example are you showing your child?. She also deserves better too. This current model of a relationship is a dud.

Everyone has ups and downs. But if you can’t talk about them like grown-ups (which it seems he can’t) then that’s a problem, that needs to be fixed if you’re going to stay together. Tbh it’s not a great sign that you had to write it down rather than talk - but at least you’re trying to get the issues in the open, if he can’t or won’t talk then it’s not ‘should I’ it’s ’how long until’.

Can you see another outcome for the two of you?

Opening up via letter is a good way of reaching out, letting the other person know your deepest fears and longings, but its not great if all he took from it was that you were perfect and yeah, throw insult your way. That says a whole lot how things are within your relationship. One is that you done feel safe expressing yourself, and writing a letter may have been your last resort?

It is such a vulnerable thing to open up, specially if you are not able to openly and in a healthy way.
Only you will know if this is the end of the road for the pair of you.

Also, what was the outcome you were hoping for by writing him a letter?
If he has unresolved trauma, then that is something he will need to resolve, on his own to start with, then perhaps further down the line, together.
But its not your responsibility to hold him together, morally and otherwise. He is.
If he is insulting you after you attempting to resolve issues, then personally I would be mentally packing my things. There needs to be respect, and most of all there needs to be trust. You should feel you can trust him with your letter, not insult you.

Again, in no way shape or form is it your job to make him feel better from his trauma, I say that as you say he has some issues with that. But that does not give him free access to insult you, or tear you down. That is not a safe space nor is it love.

If he won’t talk with you, there’s nothing to say.