How do you decide it’s time to finish a marriage

[MamaJubba]

My husband has no empathy, constantly shouts and belittles everyone . Smashed a few things and is constantly in an angry yet depressive mode. He holds a very senior position and everyone at work adore him. He has built an image of him being kind, funny and full of empathy. When he comes home it’s a different story, I work full time, look after our children who he call stupid everyday and constantly shouts at. He has no friends , no life just work and we all dread him coming home. He provides for us but I can manage on my own financially if I have too. I have no love , compassion or care for him. Only this morning he came in shouting when I was making my children’s packed lunch. He does nothing in the house he is useless — all he does it bring ugliness and sadness to our house hold. He has take out the children less than 10 times in their lifetime he thinks spending time with family is a waste of time and his life revolves around work. In addition he keep telling me he will not live before 60 - how does he know that unless he is hiding a serious illness. He continuously tell me I’m a bad mother and all his texts are accusatory , scolding and just basically nasty . I think it’s time I had him out of my life as I need a person who I can happily share my life with rather than a narcissistic person that makes me cry everyday. I am interested to hear of others have been on this situation and what did you do.

Well you've not said anything nice about him or your life with him, so I think you already know now is the right time

On your case, decades ago

you are married to a sociopath

and your poor children are enduring and haves endured an utterly toxic childhood

OP read that back and imagine it’s your best friend or your child and what you’d say to them. It seems pretty clear to me.

OP, I am a separated mum and have been for 12 years. I live in a content, quiet home and there is almost never an argument. I date when I want, cook what I want. There is never, ever any tension. I would never marry again and frankly I observe married people and I think many of them are trapped (not all) and are marching on putting on a brave face. Occasionally couples seem content, but many seem resigned to their lot (not joyous).

The price for my freedom : no safety net, no husband's pension, no one to help with DIY (I don't know how to do it myself, have to learn or pay people) no one to deal with trades people. No second car. All my finances are my own, if the washing machine breaks down, I fix it. No joint finances, no security of a second income. Society ( small town in Ireland) quietly punishes independent women, quiet resentment of breaking up a family. My independence is a threat to other shaky marriages, I m not playing the game, that many struggling couples are, and as a result I m out of sync with many of my parenting peers.

I would never marry again, but just know that it's not easy to be a separated mother.

If you separate, let him pay his maintenance and make sure to get your share of any joint pension.

Op, it was my exh who decided to leave me, but when he had gone I instantly noticed the house was calmer and happier. The damage of calling your children stupid could be lifelong so I think you know what you need to do.

By the second sentence, the time was yesterday/last month/last year. Those poor kids, do something!

I mean this very kindly….i think you know.