I split with my son’s dad last summer due to it being toxic and DV involved on his part. We did talk til the October where we began seeing one another again and then it ended again in November we went no contact and picked contact up again the past few weeks. However it’s been rocky blocked/unblocked because together we are so immature and petty and I’ll shamefully admit that. The feelings are big between us (which obviously results in toxic) and it’s easier for my son (hes a baby) and both of us two to go through a family to discuss our sons arrangements as it avoids conflict. As my son grows older I hope he can both grow up and arrange it between us so he doesn’t see us like this as the reason I left is so he didn’t have to see that. Yesterday I had to take my baby to A&E for a suspicion of him having a condition his dad had so I needed his dads advice. (Thankfully my son is absolutely fine and it was nothing to worry about and not that condition and just an intolerance which I am relieved it is nothing serious but sad he is uncomfortable and has been for a while without me knowing :( ❤️).
His dad was there within half an hour of me asking his advice and he did everything right for our son. He looked after him gave me support helped me etc. he did everything a normal healthy coparent would (props to him he did great). However of course it is me and him so now it’s stirred feelings for me. He did nothing to make me feel this way he was absolutely just on a parenting level with me and vice versa. But being in a stressful situation with our son together and being with him together has somewhat brought some form of my feelings back for him and now I’m worried. I have worked so hard healing the past hear. What if I’m not at square one again?! I wouldn’t act on my feelings as I say there’s kids involved they come first and I left due to toxicity and DV. I’m not saying I want him back as I don’t I just feeling “stuck” again in my feelings … urgh!!! So confusing.