I’m 31 my partner is 24. I also have a 5 year old step daughter with my partner. We have been together 2.5 years and living together 1.5 years. She works 2-3 days out the week and I work 5-6 days. Neither is home more or less than the other.
My issue is this and maybe I knew better let me know. My partner never really lived by herself with her child. When we met she lived with her dad and step mom and their 3 kids, so a full house. So essentially she didn’t pay major bills. She wasn’t the woman of that house either so her responsibilities were minimal.
it’s been slightly aggravating living with her because she doesn’t seem to understand that she’s the woman of our house now.
i take care of 85-95% of our financials and 85-95% of the home care and 85-95% of the mental load. Example ( dishes don’t get done unless I do them, ask her to, or wait until she finally does them. let’s laundry pile
up until it’s a crazy amount and takes all day to wash and then takes her weeks to fold them if ever just lets them sit in the laundry room. I like my clothes folded and put in the proper place. So we do laundry separately now because I can’t wait weeks for my clothes to get organized. I would try doing laundry as a group activity but she complains and I always have to initiate it and then she will join me never the other way around. She will cook breakfast for her daughter..
leaves the pots on the stove , messy counters, pancake mix everywhere just leaves it for hours. I prepared meals for us a family for 2 weeks she didn’t have to ask me or wonder around evening time what’s for dinner. Never offered to give me break from cooking and then after the two weeks I cooked I took a night off and she ask me “what’s for dinner” why couldn’t she take initiative and think my partner cooked for the last two weeks for the whole family maybe I can cook something tonight.
if it’s her night to cook she waits until 5 or 6 in the evening to think about it and we end up spending money out to eat. Or the classic I don’t feel good and we have pizza which is the easiest thing to make. While when I cook we eat good like steaks , potatoes ,
rice and gravy,pasta , real meals.
if I cook for the family i usually end up doing the clean up also after we had mutiple conversations and we agreed whoever cooked the other will do the cleaning after dinner. If I cook she will let the pots and dishes sit overnight or for days or until I ask her or until the next night when it’s time to make supper again and she will just disregard the dishes and cook anyway and add more dishes and get overwhelmed because there are so many dishes now and ask me to do them so she can cook when she should’ve done them the night before?
i let that go on so many times I got tired of dishes and dirty shit in the sink and counters so I just clean it. It gets left to me almost everytime.
she doesn’t sweep, mop, dust, none of the little things a house needs to stay tidy. Her daughter has her own bathroom and I’ve only seen her clean it 2 or 3 times since we’ve been here in a year.
She even acknowledged to me that she hadn’t been helping around the house much and that made me feel seen you know but that was 2-3 months ago and nothing changed.
its like im their cook, maid, and I pay for everything.