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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Me and my partner

5 replies

SunnyLilacShaker · 30/06/2025 23:17

I have recently left my partner and moved out from my home that I was living with my partner and my 2 children due to him being controlling, ive been in my house 3 months now and much happier , I did how ever give him a second chance to see how things go in seprate houses but he's got one massive problem that opposite my house and up the road a bit is a boy who he knows and more or less every night they're out there drinking I don't bother with them I might say hiya that's about it but my brother also goes over there most nights now my partner don't like this and there's nothing I can do about it but he's now telling me that if my brother gets drunk and upset and wants to come over and talk to me I have to tell him he's not aloud if it's after 9pm while the kids are in bed , but i have told him I am not going to do that if my brother needs to get stuff off his chest drunk or not I'm not going to push him away! But my partner is going mental saying if I don't tell him then he will tell him and thats going to cause one big argument , has he got any right to tell me what to do now we are in seprate houses and am I doing the right thing by not pushing my brother away? , my brother is more or less an alcoholic and has epilepsy adhd he needs someone to talk to or his head will get messed up he suffers from depression also.

OP posts:
Rayqueen · 01/07/2025 04:04

Good on your partner, why regardless of being your brother would you think it's ok to let a drunk alcoholic into your house while the children are in sleeping. If they woke you really think he is a wonderful example to see drunk. Your partner is absolutely right he shouldn't be around children in that state!

braintrees · 01/07/2025 05:26

Your partner hasn’t changed. He is still controlling and now he is the best of both worlds. You live separately and does minimum in the house and for the kids while thinking he is entitled to dictate why is going on in your house. Get rid of him for good and help your brother get better I say.

SunnyLilacShaker · 01/07/2025 12:00

Ray queen
I understand what your saying but you don't have to be so harsh! I don't know how to explain things tidy , my brother is not a full blown alcohol he aint drunk 24/7 he does have full time work and yeah has the odd can or two but he ain't pissed every day/night but when he is drunk he dont kick off he dont go mad all he does is get upset and talk alot bevause he don't have anyone else to talk to I am his only siblings he's not no one else so why the hell would I shut My door on him? Clearly you haven't got siblings!

OP posts:
SunnyLilacShaker · 01/07/2025 12:02

Braintree
Thank you for that i do appreciate it , I'm just finding it hard to get away from him ( my partner) i don't know how to brake free he's always threatening me with stuff

OP posts:
perfectcolourfound · 01/07/2025 12:08

You left your partner because he was controlling. He isn't likely to change. Please don't give him another chance. If you do, he will see that he can be controlling and you'll eventually give in, and he'll ramp up the control over time. It will be harder to get away from him, and you will waste more of your life on him.

Aside from that, only you know if your brother is a safe person to have in your home / within your children's hearing when he's drunk.

It is understandable that you want to be there for your brother, but I know from experience that alcoholic people can sap the energy out of those who try to support them. They can make you live in dread of what their next mood will be. Whilst supporting your brother, don't forget to look after yourself and to prioritise what's best for your children.

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