Not had a date since 1999...Zero confidence.

[Shelly1973ish]

As the title says, I've not dated since 1999.

6 years out of my LTR. Ending was horrible and I realised I really didn't know my Exdp. I don't trust my own feelings or judgement at all now.

It's really impacted my confidence as I misjudged so many things about exdp, myself and our life.
I have had counselling but it's still an issue for me.

So after 6 years, I've met someone who I like but I have no idea if he likes me.

How do I learn this stuff?
I've not had a date, absolutely zero male company in years and had literally shut down that part of me.

Really thought I'd spend the rest of my life on my own but I'm slowly thinking about how much I enjoyed this person's company and actually it would be good to do some stuff just for me.

I have 4dc and they are getting older so I am getting a little more freedom.

All help, advice or similar experiences appreciated!

This resonates big time! For so long I was either in a relationship- or single. And yes, that ‘in between’ place feels kind of alien.
There’s no easy answers so I won’t pretend there are - all I’d say is don’t mistrust everyone, just make sure they earn your trust. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking you have a relationship before you really do. Before you commit yourself emotionally or physically - try to be as sure as you can be that they are on the same page as you about what they want and how much they care.
You’re really not sure if they like you? Just keep talking, meeting, doing stuff together that you want and enjoy. If you’ve enjoyed your time together, tell him. Good luck!

I was single longer than you and went on a date with zero expectations so I was totally relaxed, 6 months later we are still together and so far very happy.

One day at a time. Conversation is just that. Conversation. Chit chat. Let it build slowly. Keep it real. Don't let your imagination run away with itself.

He's not someone I see regularly.

Realistically, he's probably not interested. Single mum in my 50s, ton of kids still at home.

I literally have no clue about any of this!

So, when you do see him, smile and say hello or good morning

What are his circumstances and how old are your children?

Women tend to ask women for dating advice and it’s tends to be much kinder and considered than men’s advice. I spent a long time working in engineering and it’s still a male dominated area. I know a lot of men as mates. Their needs from a partner seem a lot more basic than women’s.

You just need to chat, what do you actually like doing? genuinely, any crossovers perhaps?

My DH and I have a couple of cross over hobbies it’s very useful.

And?

He's single 3dc.

My dc range from 10 to 24.

I'm a SP of 4dc I don't have hobbies!

He loves sports, holidays and socialising - thinking about it, we've very little in common.

Realistically I wouldn't get your hopes up.

This guy is probably not available, nothing to do with you but the chances of these encounters turning into something more are very small.

Has he actually given you any indication he likes you? I think for men it's normally either a yes or a no - there's normally no building attraction.

When you say you enjoy his company, do you think he's specifically nice to you or is he just friendly to everyone?

Are you potentially open to a friendship with no romantic prospects?

If you could get his number for WhatsApp or something you could see if he's interested in casual conversation and find out more about him from there?

If he's interested in getting to know you it will be super-easy. If not don't give him any energy.

Again, a crush is nice and it's nice to have butterflies but really don't obsess over this guy.

I've seen too many people waste time in crushes with someone who isn't available and who they barely know. Or they spend ages trying to get to know someone as a friend, or hang out together when they're not even on that persons radar!

If you are interested in dating, finding someone I'd start building up meeting more people and also use the apps (They can be awful but over time can work).

That says a lot

Start in the apps to build up your confidence again , speaking to men, have zero expectations, use it as a bit of fun or a pastime and see how you go, sometimes it’s brutal but I can say that you’ll definitely learn a lot about men, what have you got to lose ?

Of course I say hello, smile etc. I see him in social settings.

I have no interest in dating Apps. Never have.
Just not for me