Need HELP

[Enigmauk]

hi everyone, I don’t have friends and only 2 siblings but I’m on here as I know I get help and advice and I feel cared for ,
so been with my partner for 11 years and we live together, he stopped work within a year of living together he lives off me and his mom , I got him back in contact with his daughter from his ex marriage and I got torn a new one , he still defended his ex and all the hurt and pain she put me through he never once stood up to her , he didn’t fight for his kids I pretty much did, and I’m the one who pays for his mother and father and siblings Xmas gifts and bday , plus my own and his children, he doesn’t provide for our toddler and he doesn’t have motavation only when it’s what he wants , not once has he taken me anywhere never , he promises and promises and I’m done but he makes me feel guilty and sorry for him , I need to leave but scared as he never leaves the house and I’m worried what he will be like after I’m gone

Why don’t you have any friends?

Aw come on this is a crap thing to pickup on. I find it hard to make friends too and don’t have any

Well no, it could have been that he stopped you seeing them. So a fairly valid point. Just leave op. He clearly is useless. Why on earth do you want to stay? And why do you care what will happen after? He won’t be on your life anymore.

He's obviously not going to change. What are you scared he'll do when you leave? These parasitical types are always fine, he'll go back to his mum. Life is short OP, if you are determined to waste yours on some deadbeat, that's up to you.

Don’t worry about what he will be like when you’ve gone - think about what you will be like if you don’t go. It’s time to put yourself first, you’re sacrificing yourself for someone who doesn’t care and isn’t worth it! Save your care and time and love for someone who deserves it - starting with you!

he has a way to make me feel guilty,, he will do anything to make me feel sorry for him, we have a 2 and a half year old and I don’t want hassle, sorry and my friends he said they was all untrustworthy and how wrong they was it was to much drama ..

I can’t have stress or drama I suffer seizures everyday snd headaches, I can’t just walk out that would never happen, I have to do it slowly but I worry for his feelings:(( I’m so confused sorry

I'm trying to say this in the kindest way possible. Nobody here can really help you until you decide that you want to put yourself first. He's not going to change. He has a great life.

You’ve already wasted 11 years of your life being treated like a doormat by a useless cocklodging wanker - please don’t waste any more.

Think of your child. They will grow up thinking this is how normal relationships work and it will set the tone for their future.

If you can’t leave for yourself, do it for your child.

You only have to choices. Reclaim your life which will require facing your fears and uncomfortable emotions. Or stay as you are and keep waisting your life.
Decide for yourself which option is more scary and negative in a long term.
Sometimes there is no easy choice. There is only a right one and a wrong one.

You need to toughen up - and quick.
If you don’t act to change this nightmare, it will get worse and you won’t be able to get away. You need to stop worrying about him, worry about you and your kid. If you can’t prioritise yourself, just think about your kid and how much better off they’ll be with a mum who’s not on the verge of breakdown.

I have seizures everyday too and wouldn’t let someone treat me like this

It is possible that your health will dramatically improve once you decide that He needs to go. & implement it.
Look after Yourself & Your kids, he won't.

Hello sorry I been trying to sort a lot out , tonight I have just been told I’m horrible everyday day and I’m a … well c**t how he does nothing wrong ,
how I’m the problem, he borrowed my car and it’s now on a road side as he said it broke down , it’s my pip car only got 2000 mile on it as got it a few months back :((
he packed his stuff but is here ,I need to get out of this I tried googling help for me but I can’t have social or police involved. :((

I’m scared as I feel so so confused I don’t know where to start to get help :(( I been looking for rentals but I can’t let him know anything of this happening, I’m useless I’m sorry

I’m so greatful for you all taking time to help and advise me , just wish you was all here with me holding my hand as I’m scared and just need to think of an exit x

You are worth so much more please look at this for you and your child …wishing you all the best https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/

He is starting on me again as I write this I feel I’m going nuts , :((

He doesn’t know I’m on here but mentioned in the past how much I love this forum and he just put it down and started by trying to get me not to come here :((

Hi
So first things first - does he have access to your phone / laptop/ whatever you use to go on Mumsnet? If he does, then change your passwords, delete your browsing history, delete your notification emails and empty your trash. You don’t want him seeing your stuff.
Is your car now fixed?
Do you rent your home? Whose name is it in?
Are you working, do you have any savings you can use as deposit etc for a new place?
Do you have time when you can safely contact Women’s Aid, see about other rentals?
Sorry to bombard you with questions but it feels like you’re on the edge and you need help, but other than you being desperate, it’s hard to know where to start.

I’m leaving but scared

No access not working as epilepsy is server , I found a place but getting g my bits together it’s hard as he always here , it is bad as I can’t tell him I’m going but I have to he is jackle and Hyde he confuses me I feel guilty bad and keep doubting myself.

Well done you have made the first step to taking your life back. I’m really pleased for you keep it up you are amazing and being so brave. Lots of love

Whatever else you’re thinking, whatever’s going on - don’t doubt yourself. Don’t feel bad about putting yourself first. If the situation you’re in makes you feel as bad as it looks like you’re feeling, you need to change it. So hold your head up, be strong now, it’s always scary but you need to do it. And when you’re out - then you’ll breathe again. Hang in there

ok, first things first

1/ PIP Car: Ring the insurers, PIp cars don’t simply “stop working “ plus they have priority roadside assistance if they do (I have one). The insurers will help you sort out getting it back to your place. And TAKE HIM OFF IT. Which leads me to:

2/ get in touch with one of your siblings. Get them put on your Mobility car. This means that you then have a means of getting your stuff to a new place.

3/ Contact women’s aid, Epilepsy UK and the local council. They can then get you onto the urgent housing list. Epilepsy UK might also be able to help you make sure you’re getting all the benefits you’re entitled to.

Once out, block him AND HIS MUM on all your platforms. Remove his access to your bank accounts - either WA or Citizen’s Advice can help with this.

Good luck, you’ll be far happier without him in your life.