I need any advice I can get

[SnowyOwl423]

I love my partner and we are expecting a child together. I don’t want to leave him, I want to be able to work things out but I really don’t know what else I can do.
Basically he seems very uninterested in everything. Barely gets involved with baby planning. He’s lazy, doesn’t pull his weight as much as he should. I’m 20 weeks pregnant and doing most things alone, like housework, planning for the baby, decorating etc. He barely touches me, looks at me, acts like sleeping with me is a chore. He suffers with sleep apnea so falls asleep all the time and if I try to wake him he gets nasty. Shouting at me. He’s extremely offhand. Sometimes it can be going well and then he just goes straight back to how he was. I’ve talked to him over and over about it and he gets defensive and then I’ll eventually get through to him and he agrees he needs to do better then does for a little while then just doesn’t bother again.
I've suggested maybe counselling or even having our own places but he’s not interested in those ideas. I don't know what else to try here? Any advice? Am I making a big deal because I’m pregnant?

you have posted several posts on this thread, but none of them explains why you chose to have a child with this man.

of course he isn’t all bad, very few people are, and those who are tend to hide it well.

do yourself, and your child, a favour and leave now. Your future self - and your child,,- will thank you.

Why do you love and not want to leave a lazy selfish prick who treats you like crap?

You mention your daughter - is this really an environment you want her to grow up in seeing this as her role models for relationships? You’re ok with her growing up thinking it’s ok for women to be treated like shit by men and that women test themselves into a pretzel making excuses for his uselessness.

@rubyslippersthats my concern.
They’re 8 and 5. Yeah, they live with us.

He’s way off the mark for being a good partner and dad. Go solo OP.

@TwistedWonder I think maybe I’m just holding on to what he was like before all this started.
To be honest my kids are asleep when most of this happens as it’s usually around that time. He speaks to me normal any other time. The worst my kids probably see is the fact he’s lazy.

So he’s not really involved with your children then.

Why do you think you can at all fix this man?. The only person who can help him is he and he in addition does not want your help
or support.

You may well have known this man since childhood but you do not know him as well as you thought you did.

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here?.

You’re almost certainly in denial about the fact this will be affecting your DC and they’ll be aware of the tension in the hone

Please don’t ruin their childhood clinging onto a useless lazy feckless waste of space bloke.

You’re not a rehabilitation centre for an inadequate man. Respect yourself and stop making excuses for this twat.

@OutofthemoonlightWhen we decided we wanted a child he wasn’t this way. He used to be pleasant. Never raised his voice. Was a lot better at helping around the house. We had designed jobs and that worked for us. He’s always been very good with my two and has a great relationship with both of them. He was happy and made me happy. He made me feel so good about myself.
Things got a little harder when we found out we had fertility issues but we supported each other and I never once felt alone. Then not far off a year ago he started declining, getting lazy, tired, irritable. He seemed miserable all the time and uninterested in me. But it wasn’t overnight, it was gradual.
Then as I mentioned previously, we talked about the issues and that we needed to work on fixing us as a couple. We decided to stop trying for a baby while we did that and a week later I found out I was pregnant.

Sound travels OP and they likely hear it all when he shouts at you.

You have a choice re this man and they do not. Make better choices for you and they going forward with their welfare in mind, not this man’s. He was probably all sweetness and light to start with but pregnancy and birth are flashpoints for abusers to show their true colours. You are now seeing what he is really like.

But this isn’t something you can fix, you’ve already tried chats and it hasn’t worked.

You ARE putting up with it currently, you HAVE been putting up with it all this time, so why would he change?

Why are you bothering.

Why are you inflicting this man and this atmosphere on your children

you don't need him, you can and will cope with the baby and your children.

At least you haven't married him.

@SnowyOwl423 stop waiting on his making decisions. .He refuses all options. .you decide for yourself .
If get yourself settled in your own place for the baby arriving . Heh he bucks up and gets his act together he can spend time with you and the child . He needs to do this fast so he can be a parent .

Thankyou all for your advice. I think it’s time to tell him enoughs enough. I mean there’s nothing to say he can’t change and improve on his own time. Who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️ but I shouldn’t have to stick around and wait for that.

The only person who can fix your relationship is him. And he doesn't want to. It's as simple as that.

Kick him out. Date him if you must but live separately - for your children's sake and for your own sanity.

I remember hearing a story similar to yours and the sleep apnea was the main problem. It made them lazy and grouchy. Tell him to go back to the doctor and sort it or you are out. It might be the problem but if he’s not willing to get help nothing will help.