Tw DV. A question about gut feelings?

[Losttiredmummy]

Hi, NC for this...
I was told by my local DV charity that the assault by my stbx husband wasn't that bad and they hear much worse. The police aren't bothered. I'm from a cultural background where no woman ever leaves a marriage for any reason, especially not "just" one direct assault (there was other violence but infrequently). There was more forms of abuse other than just physical but what I'm mainly scared of is another assault now I've left him.
In the last two weeks prior to the assault I "felt" something coming. I absolutely did not provoke him, I just silently watched for the assault that eventually did in fact come. I actually felt like he'd easily kill me given a chance.
My question is: if you've left a DV marriage, what was your gut instinct telling you? Did you feel scared on an instinctive level that's hard to verbalise or put your finger on?
He gaslit the crap out of me during our marriage and I can hear him in my head telling me I'm being dramatic (he always said that about me) and that it's my mental health issues I'm projecting onto him (he said that every time I tried to object to anything) so I feel very unsure of anything and I feel like I broke my kids home for no real reason other than a vague sense of doom (and lack of freedom, among others things)

One attack is one too many. You know if you stayed, it would just escalate. You did the best thing for you and your children by leaving. They deserve better and so do you. He sounds like he was slowly grinding you down. Please don’t let that be your life. Therapy would help and time and space away from him.

I am appalled that a Dv charity would say that .
people are killed daily by Dv … because you haven’t been murdered doesn’t mean you should stay .

we all know DV escalates .. Each time you tolerate abuse it makes it harder emotionally to leave .

You absolutely do not and should not tolerate abuse from anyone .

@Losttiredmummy

What you're describing is the cycle of abuse and many survivors are very familiar with it. In fact, some purposefully trigger an assault to get it over and done with. What usually happens afterwards is the 'honeymoon' period, but not always.

You're very vulnerable at the moment so are right to be cautious. You need advise on safety. You can contact the National Domestic Abuse helpline anytime.

My faith leaders have said the kids will act out because I've left.
They've had a wobbly day, but not more so than normal (one is ND); but because the faith leader left me a voice message telling me that's what I've done, it now plays by itself in my head, combined with social services saying there's no risk now we've separated, I just feel like I'm losing my marbles and I could have carried on. As it is, I've lost my entire network, limited as it was, it was all I had, and for something only I felt was scary, no one else feels that way about my situation

The police are asking me for proof, he didn't leave a mark

Social services said it's "he said, she said"

I feel like no one is listening 😰

I have proof of the other forms of abuse but they're saying it's not enough

You need to ignore people who are trying to manipulate you to stay in an abusive relationship, especially with children. You've done exactly the right thing by leaving.

Let the police know that there's no physical evidence of the assault and contact the National Domestic Abuse helpline for further advice.

Thanks I will try, I've just been hearing my local DV charitys words in my head round and round, like even me phoning them wasted their time?even though the police gave me their number. It was just the gut feeling side of things I feel like I'm making it up but my feelings are quite strongly that I'm not out of the woods yet, iyswim

https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/