Considering separation over the coming years

[Cupofchai22]

I have been with DH 19 years, married for 16 of those. We have 1 DD age 15, year 10. I can't remember the last time I was happy in this marriage. We became partners and had DD quickly after meeting and whilst I don't regret my beautiful DD I regret being with him. I don't need marriage advice about fixing it etc as its gone past that.

My question is DD will study for GCSE next year. She isn't terribly academic and not in university at this point. I know there will never be a good time to discuss with husband (although we've spoken before about separating when DD is older) but considering waiting till gcses are done. However, do I then wait till a levels are done? college is done? where does it end?

Keen to get financial advice so I can start preparing financially. I work as an RN so don't earn a great deal but I work FT.

If anyone can offer their own experiences or advice.

My advice isn’t to wait. Honestly, as you’ve pointed out there will be one excuse after another, and in 10 years time you’ll look back and wonder why you’re still together. I speak with experience, I’m still here, don’t you be.
If you can be amicable, you can do it now with little disruption to DD.
I had a free half hour with a solicitor which made me feel empowered. Unfortunately I didn’t follow through with it.
Do you own your home? If so get it valued and work out if you can buy him out or if you’re going to need to sell.
Look at pensions, if his is bigger than you’re you might be able to negotiate more in the house for not touching his pension.
If you’re claiming child benefit, move it to your own account.
Start saving shop points up.

@PersephoneParlormaid thank you for your insight. I agree its best not to prolong it for too long. I do think with DD GCSE'S next year then I need to wait until at least then. It's not unmanageable just far from ideal in a marriage sense.

May I ask why you're still there? I figure there could be a multitude of reasons.

Yes, we own the house we live in there still a mortgage on it but only 5 years left. I wouldn't be able to afford to buy him out so I would need to move unfortunately. He could probably afford to keep it on his salary though as he earns twice as much as me in the city.

I will definitely start saving up my weekly shop points and putting a bit aside somewhere safe. I did also read somewhere on another person's post about getting a credit card as I will get a spending amount that I wouldn't ordinarily get if I was on my own, not that I would use it regularly anyway.

Thank you.

Why am I still here? Many reasons. I’ll go after the GCSE’s, I’ll go after the A levels, I’ll go after he’s in Uni, I’ll go after Xmas etc.
But then there’s ‘he’s not that bad’, ‘I don’t want to be alone’, ‘I’m financially better off with him’. Lots and lots of reasons, and every single day I regret not going sooner.