Reconnecting with bestie dilemma?

[Biscuitfrog]

I've been friends with someone for 10 years since college. We were incredibly close for the first few years but drifted apart during final year of uni. Since then, I've been the one mainly initiating contact, and when I had my daughter 2.5 years ago, she was excited but never visited despite a few invitations.

Recently she reached out with a random story, and I took the chance to say I missed her and wanted to reconnect. She responded enthusiastically the same day, saying she'd been thinking about me too and wanted to "meet my little family and know me as an adult." When I suggested planning a coffee to catch up, she never replied - it's been two weeks now, though she's still active on social media and views my stories.

I'm confused about whether she's genuinely busy (I know I can be a terrible texter as a mum), overwhelmed by the prospect of reconnecting, or just said yes out of politeness. I really want to rebuild our friendship but feel stuck in limbo. Should I reach out again in a couple weeks with a no-pressure message, or take her silence as a sign to let it go? Would you expect a response by now, or could she just be busy?

I’d let it go; I had a very similar situation and it just ended up making me feel shit. If she isn’t matching your effort then I don’t think it’s going to end well

Take the deed for the word. She is just not that into you.

No don't reach out again. She's not interested in being friends.

Op it’s dead in the water before it’s even restarted

Quite clearly
she has not changed
and you are still hoping she has or will
she won’t

Are you local to one another?

Nope! She lives at home where we grew up and I live around 4 hours away now

And you suggested a coffee catchup 😆

not sure I’d be up for a 4 hour round trip to meet someone I haven’t seen in years at a half way point for a coffee catchup

Since then, I've been the one mainly initiating contact, and when I had my daughter 2.5 years ago, she was excited but never visited despite a few invitations.

so you moved 4 hours away?

I offered to come to her town (where we both grew up), so it would be me travelling! Either way, she hasn’t opened the message so it won’t be the suggestion (she hasn’t seen it!)

Yes! We both lived near London and grew up there. She went to uni much further down south and I went up to Manchester. I’ve stayed in Manchester and settled down, and she’s moved back to our home town.

Ok so sort of relevant to why she didn’t visit
and why the friendship fizzled out a bit
and why she’s not jumping with enthusiasm for a coffee catch up

OP…. Just focus on your friends locally

Bloomin heck you are keen on this coffee catch up. You’re willing to travel 4 hours to see her!

Of course, I’d love to reconnect (the clue was in the original post….!)

You’d love to connect with someone who never has bothered to visit your first and only child?

who you invite for coffee and rolling to make epic effort, and she doesn’t have the courtesy to even respond?

Oh op, surely you’re worth better than this

How long ago did you leave uni op?

With friends I always think the best advice is to mirror the effort they put into sustaining your friendship. That way no one feels any resentment.

No she certainly didn't mean it and is now pretending her reply didn't happen.

I'd just leave it. If it was a priority for her, she would have got back to you to arrange a meet up. I have friends who I haven't seen for years, it would be nice to see them but realistically, my life is too busy to be travelling to other parts of the country to see them and they are busy too! Maybe give her a call if you're back in your home town sometime but I wouldn't keep making the effort if you don't hear from her.

Focus on local friends OP.

The reality is you live v far apart and lots of friendships fizzle out over that.

I think I’d let it go. I think people like her say ‘would love to’ as a polite way of ending a conversation. You’ve tried a couple of times and the non-response is your response. Not sure the point of continuously getting hurt by her.

You were last close in final year of uni op

the question is…. How long ago was final year of uni?!

Yes let her go no point one sided efforts.. I met a lovely girl we were same primary school. It fizzled out as fast. I dont rush into new friendships now.

She hasn’t read the message… chill out a bit OP!

I ended up blocking someone in almost identical circumstances as it was hurtful when they didn’t reply. I still look back on our friendship fondly but realise that it was just a uni friendship and I’m ok with that. Some friends last, others don’t. They’re still valid friendships that you should treasure for what they are/were. Time to find new friends who suit this stage of your life, that’s what I’ve done. Plus, I still see one old friend from school which is lovely. It’s been 35 years now (eek!)