Have you ever left a workplace due to a work crush?

[Anxious2024]

There’s someone at work I’ve had a crush on, on and off, for about a year.

I find it generally a bit painful - sometimes to the point that I think maybe I should change jobs. Which would be kind of mad and not helpful for me at all, but I am wondering if other people
have felt like this.

This person can be very smiley which is I suppose what caused the crush in the first place, so I find myself inventing scenarios or imagining that they notice me etc…

Then reality hits which is painful and I have kind of had enough of it.

It has really highlighted my own loneliness I suppose.

What can I do to get over this 😩?

You have a lot going on emotionally - recovering from your divorce, feeling lonely and lacking confidence. I can see how your crush is a distraction. You could ask him if he is involved with anyone and ask him out. But I don't think you are in a good place to start dating anyone at the moment.

If you could find ways to develop more happiness or maybe satisfaction in your life your crush may well diminish as your life becomes fuller, and you would be better placed for a relationship.

The things you enjoy doing can be quite solitary unless you join a swimming club or something similar for your hobbies. Are there any classes you might like to take? They don't have to be a long commitment, some are just for a day or a weekend. That would help rebuild your confidence and put you in the position to be meeting new people.

If that feels too much for now, maybe you could tackle the chaos you have at home, broken down into small, short projects that you can feel enthusiastic about. I know that might be difficult with teenagers, but maybe you could find a way for it to be fun for them to join in with. I've found reorganising things in my home really uplifting. The new orderliness is good but far outweighed by the feeling of accomplishment, which sort of makes me feel more confident. It has to be maintained but while reorganising I found ways to make that easier.

I'd definitely try some of this rather than change my job if it was a job I liked. Mainly, because if you hit on something that works for you, you will be happier and more confident, but what if you go to a different job and then find yourself crushing on a man there!

Thank you so much for all the recent messages.

Yes @Anna20MFG it is totally to do with my dc slowly moving on (two out of three still live with me - albeit one of those two comes and goes) - the feelings of loneliness and kind of purposelessness.

And yes the thought of a relationship generally is terrifying, but at the same time I am sad that it might never happen again (and my one and only relationship - my marriage - was terrible for years before it ended which makes it even sadder).

I hope you find the things you are looking for too @Anna20MFG.

Thank you for your kind message @Lurkingandlearning - it made me feel more positive in that you’re right, I have various things to get over or sort. The thing about my divorce is that it happened 7 years ago - but I still haven’t got over some of the things that happened.

Today I’ve been looking at various things I could join or do that are less solitary.

I am definitely not pining over the person at work - and I found out the other day that they are in fact married so that’s that ☺️. It’s a bit of a relief as I might now be able to stop ruminating - which I have a tendency to do in any case.

Re my job - I do like it in many ways but it also makes me anxious at times (and I am an anxious person generally) so long term I will have to see.

I finally left, having not seen my workplace crush for a number of weeks. He contacted me to ask when I was going and said he wanted to see me before I left. I wondered if he had feelings for me too but it was a pleasant chat for a few minutes then he wished me well and let me walk out of the door and out of his life. I obviously read too much into it but it’s left me feeling utterly broken. Here’s hoping it gets better from here.

I changed jobs this week and I have had to leave behind (of sorts) a man I am in love with and have been for nearly 7 years, but cannot have. I often dream about him (I don't daydream or fantasise, it is involuntary when I am asleep at night). He doesn't know how I feel, and as we are staying in touch (I am staying with the same organisation, but different building) I don't want him to. My leaving party was just him and me (which is what I wanted), I deliberately said I didn't want any leaving event.

I have left a job before on two occasions because of workplace crushes going wrong. Both jobs I went to afterwards were absolute rubbish though. And so were the men I left because of. I've seen them on social media since and thank Christ nothing ever came of it as they look terrible.

OP, it sounds to me like, despite the understandable nerves, you would like to be in a relationship, and maybe the crush is your subconscious waving at you and pointing out that the romantic/sexual part of you is coming back to life now and craving a few adventures.

If you don't think a workplace relationship is suitable (and it entirely depends on your work I guess - I am a teacher and know loads of couple who have met through work, though it has never happened to me) then there are other things you could try - for example, the dreaded dating apps! (I am back at this point, in my late 40sz and yes it can be slim, grim pickings out there - but not quite the wasteland perhaps that it is often presented as being).

Or if apps aren't for you, there are other routes you could try - join hobby groups, even specific ones for singles; arrange some nights out with the girls (I had an attractive, same guy give me his number and ask me out in my local pub recently - it's rarer than it used to be but can still happen).

Plenty of people start over, at all ages and in all situations. What do you think is holding you back?

Thanks for your message @Ilovelurchers . I suppose, to answer your question, lack of self-esteem or feeling kind of broken in a way, not good or interesting enough to be in a relationship, lack of confidence, too old (I am 56), or that I might end up really hurting someone (emotionally).

Funnily enough I work in a school as well (but I am not a teacher) - I know that lots of members of staff do end up getting together in schools generally. I thought that the summer holidays would end my "infatuation" for want of a better word, but it would seem not 🙄.

Overall I would like to be in a relationship yes, but maybe it is too late and would be too difficult to even find someone (though I appreciate what you said about activities and the pub etc - I probably wouldn't do online dating again - I did it for a little just before covid and a lot of it is just awful as far as I can see) - I know that there are myriads of women in my situation.

Mostly I am okay with things and I count my blessings - except when I find someone attractive and then it is quite painful...

@FlyingontheGround - that sounds really painful I am sorry, I hope the hurt goes away soon.

@LastWeekLovesick - I am sorry about your situation too - why can't you have this person? Are one or both of you attached?