Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I really awful or am I being gaslit?!

4 replies

clara12334x · 29/06/2025 12:24

A little background, I have 3 daughters under 4 with my partner. We have been together for around 7 years. I work evenings a few days a week and he works long shifts 5 days a week.

My youngest hates sleep so sleep is really lacking here which makes me very emotional and down sometimes. He also doesn't cook, clean or wash up and when he is here he just mainly sits on his phone. He does do the bed times with the baby (with the phone and TV on loud or course).

We had a argument over nothing on weds - we have a new lock for our garden gate and I was struggling to fit it so I asked him if he could help. He did and by the time I had put the girls to bed he asked me if I wanted to come and check how to release it properly as it's only temp and still quite stiff, but I said I'd be fine using it the next morning as I needed a shower etc. The next morning i went to open the gate and it got jammed so reluctantly called him to ask how he sorted it yesterday. He then erupted saying this is why i should have tried it out etc.

I thought that we sorted it out however this morning I was looking for a nappy bag and I shouted up to him (calmly and not aggressive at all) if he had gotten them from the shop like I'd asked yesterday, he came downstairs and said that he hadn't and it's all his fault. He turned to our eldest and said it's all Daddy's fault all the time isn't it?! And started to say I had awful attitude with him. I know for a fact I can have attitude sometimes, partly because I am so tired and partly because of resentment, but I know that I was not rude at all to him. He's now taken our eldest out and had a face liked a slapped arse when he left.

I've pathetically started crying because I am so confused as to what I've supposedly done. Not sure what the point of this post is, maybe to get some insight into if I am being ott in being upset or not!

OP posts:
MiloMinderbinder925 · 29/06/2025 12:36

You're exhausted, it's hardly surprising you're feeling emotional. It sounds like your partner has checked out of parenting and the relationship.

Do what you can to sleep train your youngest and rest when you can. If you have family nearby, ask for help.

Jigaliga · 29/06/2025 12:43

Neither of you sound like bad people.

You're sleep deprived.

He's feeling under stress.

You probably need to work on your tone and learn to voice your actual issues, rather than being passive aggressive (?)

He needs to stop being lazy and pull his weight.

I suggest you get your DDs sleep sorted as a priority, and go out for a nice meal with your partner to calmly discuss what you would both like to change.

Alwaysbackagain · 29/06/2025 13:11

Sounds to you would be better parenting alone than with this man OP. He doesnt do any of the household chores and has no interest in his own baby if hes watching tv and on his phone whilst hes supposed to caring for the child.

No wonder you are exhausted when he seems to resent any input into the family at all.

You really need to sit down together and have a discussion about how he is going to take on his share of the parenting and household tasks. And if he isnt prepared to change then you would be better off seeing how you could cope financially if you split up.

NormaSears · 29/06/2025 13:27

You're not being gaslit, or there's absolutely nothing in your posts to suggest that you are.
(gaslighting - the practice of psychologically manipulating someone into questioning their own sanity, memory, or powers of reasoning)

You are exhausted and have a partner who is unwilling to pull his weight.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page