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Original poster

AITAH for being annoyed

12 replies

Vanddl · 29/06/2025 09:19

I have to write this somewhere so bear with me…
my little one was sick this week and sent home from nursery. I was super busy at work but picked her up, my husband had already said that if she was sent home he could look after her as he was really quiet at work. When we got home, he was halfway through putting a cabinet that came down about 3yrs ago… bit weird as it didn’t seem essential. Then he said he needed to go and get fittings for the cabinet and some bread for our daughter. He was gone nearly 2hrs so I check his location on his phone to find he was at the driving range! When I asked him when he got home why he went there and if he thought it was fair, he flew off the handle at me. Then sulked in the garden the rest of the day leaving me juggling sick child and work. I am also 6months pregnant and now have the child bug which he got away with as he hasn’t helped look after her at all during her illness!
he finally apologised in the evening but has told me I am over reacting when I said I am still upset about it! Am I being out of line or is he being totally disrespectful?

OP posts:
Fitzcarraldo353 · 29/06/2025 09:25

I would have steam coming out of my ears with fury if I were you. He said he'd look after, did everything to avoid actually doing it and then lied to you and fucked off to the driving range.

Is he always this useless?

MrDobbs · 29/06/2025 09:26

You're totally out of line. The cabinet had been down over 3 years so really needed attending to as only a degenerate would let it get to 4 years, and if you can't work on your golf game on a quiet day at work then when exactly are you supposed to do that?

ItsNotLupus · 29/06/2025 09:27

NTA. In what sense did he fly off the handle - what was his justification for being annoyed with you? He's been totally unreasonable both in initial behaviour and reaction when confronted.

DorothyStorm · 29/06/2025 09:31

MrDobbs · 29/06/2025 09:26

You're totally out of line. The cabinet had been down over 3 years so really needed attending to as only a degenerate would let it get to 4 years, and if you can't work on your golf game on a quiet day at work then when exactly are you supposed to do that?

The problem with sarcastic posts like this is this is exactly what the op has been told by her husband. He has made her questions whether she was in the wrong.

Op, he is selfish.

Original poster
Vanddl · 29/06/2025 09:51

@ItsNotLupus he got really cross with me and started clapping in my face saying ‘oh well done for looking after your child for 2hrs’! And the telling me I need to calm down even though I was genuinely more upset than I was angry! The worst thing is if he asked I probably would have said to go to the driving range but later in the day when we knew how the little one was and I had done my work calls etc!

OP posts:
Original poster
Vanddl · 29/06/2025 09:52

@Fitzcarraldo353 he has been for about the last year. He has turned into one of those guys that spends his time on ‘passion projects’ rather than actively being part of the family and helping around the house. This is the first time he has actually lied to me though which is a huge red flag

OP posts:
ItsNotLupus · 29/06/2025 10:31

Vanddl · 29/06/2025 09:51

@ItsNotLupus he got really cross with me and started clapping in my face saying ‘oh well done for looking after your child for 2hrs’! And the telling me I need to calm down even though I was genuinely more upset than I was angry! The worst thing is if he asked I probably would have said to go to the driving range but later in the day when we knew how the little one was and I had done my work calls etc!

I'm sorry, but what the actual hell? "Your" child? He understands parenting is his responsibility too right? I don't know how you kept your cool. Given you're pregnant and were busy working as well, whilst he fannied around enjoying his hobby... My God I have rage on your behalf!

Fitzcarraldo353 · 29/06/2025 10:53

So when is he going to loom after HIS child? Like a father, or even like he said he would that day. And clapping in your face is absolutely awful.

Give yourselves a day or two to cool off, but then it's time for a proper, serious conversation about his parenting and his commitment to his family. He's with in or out and at the moment, he's totally checked out.

MrDobbs · 29/06/2025 11:38

DorothyStorm · 29/06/2025 09:31

The problem with sarcastic posts like this is this is exactly what the op has been told by her husband. He has made her questions whether she was in the wrong.

Op, he is selfish.

Show quote history

You're right, I shouldn't have said it that way.

Original poster
Vanddl · 29/06/2025 11:42

@MrDobbs I mean his golf game is rubbish so you are right! That probably takes precedence over everything 😂

OP posts:
MrDobbs · 29/06/2025 11:49

Vanddl · 29/06/2025 11:42

@MrDobbs I mean his golf game is rubbish so you are right! That probably takes precedence over everything 😂

In seriousness, normal expectation is that any decent person would feel very guilty about leaving their partner struggling with their sick child when they know they are able to help but choose to do a self indulgent and basically pointless thing instead. It's maybe different if he's fixing the boiler so that you have hot water but this isn't that clearly. It's a combination of selfishness and not caring that you are having a harder time than necessary.

Itiswhysofew · 29/06/2025 12:02

Not sure what he was thinking leaving you to deal with everything, but he acted very selfishly, then to clap in your face; wow, that is serious disrespect. I wouldn't accept that kind of behaviour.

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