Complicated DH situation- open relationship?

[EarlySummerRain]

NC for this

I’m not sure how best to wrote this and have rewrote a few times because it’s hard to take something personal and try to explain it in a way that doesn’t sound immoral

So me and DH have been together for 17 years, two DC and we still love each other very much, no issues in that department. Our sex life has been perfectly great until recently, nothing too wild or outlandish. We’ve spoke about a few ‘what ifs’ in the past with me being bi curious, like the idea of a threesome etc but it never went more than talk. I’m into peri, and it has actually increased my libido which surprised me, I thought it’d do the opposite. However, DH is a bit older than me and has a disability so sex is becoming more and more difficult through no fault of his own. We’ve spoken about this a couple of times and he has said every time that he would be happy with me forming a same sex casual relationship and exploring that side of things. What he wouldn’t want (and neither would I) is for me to see another guy(s) and I fully get that that, not that I ever would anyway. But seeing another woman if I ever did feels more ok and I feel better knowing DH is comfortable and content with that. This isn’t something for him to get off to btw, he said if I did he’d prefer not to know, as long as I’m fulfilled.

So that’s the situation, some days I’m adamant I won’t do anything because even if I did find someone (big if) I’d feel guilty for DH, because I love him. But then other days, I do feel enthusiastic about it, knowing DH is happy and I’d get to continue with sex and explore. This is not even going into where I would find other women as I don’t drink anymore, and with childcare etc bars are out of the question. I think I am bi, but because I don’t have any experience, I don’t want to outwardly say I am bi sexual yet, rather that I am bi curious, so if I met someone that would have to be established, because I don’t want to feel like I am simply using anyone.

sorry for the long post. Any advice is welcome

If you go down this route, I think the advice from @outerspacepotatois very sound.

There are other ways to achieve orgasm, true, but there is more to it than that, but l expect what the OP is looking for is simultaneously combining it with touch and being held by someone.

I didn’t discover my bi side until my 30s. But looking back it was so obvious from teens onwards. If everyone is consenting, l don’t see anything wrong with that. It’s important that the other female friend is fully aware of the situation though.

I apologise if I sounded crass in my last message, I know people are only trying to help.

I think a topic like this is difficult, as obviously a lot of interpersonal context is needed and at a surface level I’m sure it sounds like I’m trying to take advantage of DH, or that we are naive about feelings of jealousy. It’s true I may be naive because I don’t have much dating experience, let alone same sex, but I’ll always be naive unless I do get experience. As for DH’s jealousy, again it’s hard to describe but he has always been an extremely calm, realistic and logical person, we’ve spoken about my bi side for years now, not constantly obviously. We both are on the spectrum somewhere definitely (he’s diagnosed) and so maybe we aren’t the norm in how things. When he’s brought it up, I’m the one who has been rejecting the idea, until recently where I am more open to it. We already know I wouldn't open it up to another male.

We love each other very much, and his condition may only get worse the older we get, so I’ll have to do more looking after for him, but I’m prepared for that 😊

We already know I wouldn't open it up to another male.

Why is that? Is it because DH would be jealous or because you only want to explore females?

@EarlySummerRain

THIS!

Back in 2020ish there was a MN thread where someone asked a similar question and it turns out there are lots of bi/ bi curious/ gay women currently in LT relationships with men. The thread was eventually deleted but it resulted in a group chat outside MN with probably over a hundered women accessing the group over a period of about 3 years. It has come to an end now but while it was active it ws a great source of support and chat. It led to several meet ups, nights out and a few weekends away with a core group of women. That chat group has come to a halt now but some friendships (and more) remain.

Feeld, SkirtClub, Mint events, KillingKittens & MarriedBees have all been of interest to people I met through that group who wanted to connect for 'fun'.

A word of caution though... Many people started off only looking for a physical connection/ being certain it wouldn't affect their primary relationship but the reality has been way more complicated for many.