Telling my husband I want a divorce

[Size40Shoes]

Tomorrow I am speaking with a mortgage adviser to see if I can take the mortgage on alone and then I'm filing online for divorce.

I've been unhappy for a while and I can't live my life like this moving forward.

I did talk with him 4 months ago where I sat and cried and he didn't try and comfort me, and now I see that he was telling me what I wanted to hear.

A week after that I had finally had enough and told him I want to split. We talked (Me on permanent send for 3 hours) and he promised he'd change which he did for 6 weeks and then went back to his old ways and worse.

I don't think he has someone else, but who knows. I wouldn't put it past him to have a back up plan.

I am going to have to tell him tomorrow night that I'm divorcing him. I'm nervous. Not sure why because last time he just left, although I had not filed for divorce at that point.

I have already sought legal advice regarding settlements, etc and downloaded all the relevant financial information needed as I will owe him.

Guess I am just after a handhold.

Thanks for getting this far.

Hope it goes smoothly for you (or as smooth as these things can).

You sound well prepared and level headed. Well done for taking control of your life and making positive changes. Divorce is shit but always remember that your life will be better once you're out the other end. Good luck!

Thank you both. Finding it really hard this weekend to keep a poker face.

Do you have children? Telling him will be nerve wracking but once it's said you'll probably feel a huge sense of relief. I know I did!

Forgot to add that. No children between us and mine are grown, so none in the house full time either. Makes this situation much easier to deal with I think.

Here to hold your hand ♥️ Good for you that you have recognised that you don't want to waste your life in a dead relationship. Tell him once you have filed for divorce, because then there's no point in him trying to change your mind or promising the earth. Good luck ♥️

I remember the anxiety of announcing the separation when I was in your shoes. You've got a hand hold from me too.

Thats what I was going to do because there is no way he can manipulate me into staying any longer

Good luck with the mortgage person tomorrow, @Size40Shoes and wishing you a smooth passage to being on the other side of the divorce process.
I would be prepared to walk out if he becomes at all threatening or you feel unsafe. Have all your essentials and the paperwork in your car or bag in case you need to get out quickly. Even if you think they won't, men can show a new side. Mine thumped the wall so hard when I told him I wanted a divorce, the next door neighbour came round to see if everything was okay!

Thank you @Justkeepingplatesspinning I've told my adult son what is happening and he is expecting me to meet him at a certain time so I've prepared for a 'not pleasant interaction. H's reaction when I told him I wanted to split last time was distance followed swiftly by saying he just wants to make sure he walks away from the house debt free but I had not filed then.

All my paperwork is in my work locker at the office so he actually has access to none of the research I've been completing.

Op after your meeting with mortgage people start the on line divorce process they either email your soon to be x or they post out to him, so you can get it posted out to him, when you do tell him your plans you can say, divorce paperwork is in the post already,

Good luck with chat, and nice to here on here some one strong and prepared, wish you happiness op congratulations because that's around the corner for you 💐

Thats the plan so I can't chicken out 🤣

I don't think he'll be surprised.

Half of me is screaming to be avoidant and text him to tell him. Not because I'm frightened of him but because I don't want to talk about it. I know it's the wrong thing to do but I feel very nervous about this.

Or don't have a conversation with him let him receive the D email, he will then have to say to you ' look at this email ' yep that was me, yep it's happening,

Good luck op

I don't think I could wait that long 🤣

No, I have to do the right thing and have face to face.

How did it go OP?

There’s a happy life out there for you. Grab it with both hands. Tell him it’s over and got your teeth. It will be worth it xx

Happening this evening as need to speak with mortgage adviser today and then going to file online. Will report back how I am getting on. Weirdly helping me through this. So thank you all.

Better than I thought, but this is just the beginning. I'm hoping we can work through it.

That's good.

Started with emotional manipulation now. I know I'm on a different page to him because I've had time to process how I feel. Getting stressful.

Oh op take care,
You know how you feel, but you can not wait around to see how he feels, if that makes sense,

He will go through this stage , sad, angry, frustrated, how do you negotiate this op??
You can not, he has to deal with this fall out,
Take care 💐

Emotional manipulation is part of their playbook to make you feel guilty and worried about what they might do to themselves. Don't be taken in by it. Keep things polite and deal with the practical matters.