I don't know how to end a relationship or even if I should

[thetorturedpoetsdepartmentssecretary]

I'm not sure how to explain but my relationship feels different. It's as if he's clocked out of it. He's on his phone a lot, barely listens or talks to me.

As background he's had a health scare and is constantly googling symptoms and healthy living. He also has an old car that needs work doing, so is looking at second hand cars. It's all he does and all we talk about.

We rarely have sex, he says his libido isn't the same as it was. We're in our fifties but it wasn't an issue until the last eight months or so. We've been together 2 and a half years.

I feel like he's not interested in me anymore. I don't think he's seeing someone else. He's just lost in his worries. However I'm feeling increasingly unhappy in the situation. We don't feel close at all.

I'm not sure I can trust my own judgement. I've made bad decisions in the past and don't want to do that again.

If I do end the relationship, is it ok to cite these reasons? When I've tried to explain in the past he's said everything's fine, he feels the same way about me. But he's not showing it! We kiss when we meet up and when we say goodbye, that's about it. Maybe that's normal after two and a half years?

I'm just wondering what others think, how they'd feel in this situation.

I also feel crap if I leave him when he's so worried about his health.

Well if you aren’t married it will be easier to leave. But you shouldn’t feel guilted into staying with someone because they’ve had a health scare. You’ve already explained how you feel and nothing has changed. So there is your answer.

You never need a reason to leave a relationship. If you are unhappy, and this relationship is not contributing in a positive way to your life, leave.

You can end a relationship for whatever reason you want. It does sound like he’s not that interested anymore. I personally would also end it, life is too short.

Yeah, you don’t need to provide a list of reasons. You have already raised this with him and nothing has changed.

Sounds like you don’t live together or have kids so very easy in reality - just stop meeting up and tell him you are no longer happy in the relationship, wish him well and move on.

You don't need to give reasons. It changes nothing. You have your reasons. Those are good enough.

You don't need a reason, but the reasons you give are honest. that's the best you can do.

If he’s had a health scare I’m not surprised his libido has been affected. Have you talked about it, and how you both feel about it?
If he’s not prepared to seek help for it, and you’re not happy to live without it, then you end it.
But it was in his 50’s when my DH started having ED problems, so perhaps it’s age and he’s happy as he is.

What’s normal and acceptable for one relationship is not for another. My DH is 20 years older than your partner but behaves nothing like this…still very affectionate, still very active love life, makes me feel cherished every day just as I do him.

If a relationship does not make you feel valued, respected and seen, it is not a good relationship for you. Life is too damn short.

You’re not happy in your relationship and it sounds like it’s over in all but name.

Don't stay with someone just because of a health scare. I did that once and wasted a year of my life bringing miserable out of misplaced loyalty.

A partner should make your life better and doesn’t sound like he is.

We have talked about it but he's not much of a talker. He said his illness is affecting his libido, I understand that and don't have a problem with it. I just don't feel close to him anymore. I don't think there's any help. He needs to work through this health scare, if he then can stop worrying, things might improve, but I'm not sure.

If he’s had a health scare then I understand why he’s distracted and acting different. Has the relationship been good up until this point? If so, id be hesitant about ending it as there’s a valid reason for the change, but as others have said, you can end it for any reason you like.

I've just spoken to him on the phone, tried to explain how I'm feeling, his reply was a whole rant about how awful his life is, no one there for him, he's doing diy and no one helps - he didn't tell me he was going to do anything, I would have helped if I'd known.

Why did you call him?.

You would be far better off on your own. All this man does is use you as some sort of sounding board or punchbag to moan at.

Why are you still putting up with this rather than calling it a day with him?. You don’t have to get bogged down in your sunk costs and you can leave a relationship for whatever reason you choose. You are not obligated to him and nor do you owe him anything.

I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, give him a chance to talk about it. He doesn't "get" talking though. He used to say, talk to me about things, but I don't think he can listen or understand or process or something!

I am a similar age to you OP.
Don’t put yourself through this. Virtually everyone I know has had a quite marked health scare recently. Me included. It comes with the territory.
You haven’t been together that long and he’s entirely lost sight of who you are, and if he refuses to talk, but then punishes you for speaking, you are wasting your time.
You have so much to offer and deserve so
much more.

So his response to you voicing your concerns about your relationship was basically ‘me me me me what about meeeeeeee’

Don’t waste any more time trying to have a discussion with deaf ears. Tell him you’re not feeling it anymore and it’s time to say goodbye. And don’t enter into any emotional blackmail from him.

Yes it was actually, all about what's wrong in his life and now I'm complaining too. I don't really want to try to talk anymore if that's what happens, tempted to just send a text saying it's over. Just waiting for the right moment.