How to deal with this - oppotunities for sex dwindling

[DietHelp]

Hi,

My husband and I have been together 20 years, married 17. He was diagnosed with diabetes and high bp a couple of years ago so has been getting into fitness to help with that, which is great.

The thing is, he’s up every weekday morning at 5 to go to the gym or for a run. This makes him absolutely shattered on a night and it means he’s often falling asleep early on and that means that our sex life is limited to the one or two days he doesn’t get up early.

He also does an activity on a Monday evening, another activity on another (variable) evening a week, as well as an all day activity roughly monthly on one of the weekend days.

He used to do his runs on an evening but that meant it was 4 evenings a week where he wasn’t in until later on - one activity keeps him out until about 11 and the other is about 9, so not too bad and then the runs meant it was about 8:30/8:45 before we were eating - as well as the weekend things, so he agreed to swap to mornings for his runs so we weren’t eating as late and I was seeing a bit more of him.

Now I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place (pardon the pun).. he was marginally more awake on an evening when he was running on an evening instead, and therefore the sex opportunities were a bit more available once he was actually in, but not by much if I’m honest. Now I just feel restricted because I know he’s gonna be too knackered most of the time. I know no one has the right to have sex with anyone but it feels shit to feel that restriction and predictability that it will likely only happen on the weekend night.

The kids are older now so we do get the occasional opportunity if they’re both out together but that’s not often. It never used to be like this and to be fair, we probably only had sex an extra once or twice a week before but that was enough for both of us.

I’ve tried mentioning it to him, but I feel I’m coming across as saying it means he should stop doing his exercise because that’s the only feasible way I can see it changing. And I think he thought I was joking because I tried to bring it up in a way that wasn’t too heavy.

What would you do if you were me please?

High BP and diabetes can cause permanent health damage including ED, so you need to keep that in mind before asking him to reduce exercise
maybe you could his ego slightly and say his looks better/ more attractive
or just plain come out with it and say that you would like more sex now

can be reduce the other activities?

I understand about the need for exercise and as I say, it’s good he’s taking it seriously - though I’m not sure it needs to be quite as much as it is, especially as all of his activities are exercise based. And one he’s done for years so won’t give that up, the other is relatively recent so I doubt he’d want that to go either. Then the monthly weekend thing is the same too.

The irony is he keeps saying the new, improved him will benefit me (as in he’ll be more up for it and able), yet that’s not how it’s panning out!

Daytime when the kids are at school. Or give them money to buy cinema tickets and snacks.

Medication can reduce labido

I think he’d be up for it if he wasn’t so knackered. As in, I don’t think it’s his libido itself that’s the issue - just the fact he’s usually knocking the zzzzs out relatively early!

Surely the primary method is diet with diabetes. Aren't you knackered yourself, presumably you're doing all the parenting and household management while he's always out?

Anyway, I favour a bit of reverse psychology as an approach. "Oh I couldn't possibly be up for sex DH..."

He has overhauled his diet too for the diabetes but it was high bp and that combined that made him want to get fit.

And in fairness to him, I don’t work due to long term health problems. I also don’t have to do as much with the kids now as they’re older. I do still do too much for what my health allows but that’s a whole other thread.

I’ll have to see how things go and maybe just have another chat about it. Maybe the reverse psychology would work but he’d have to be awake to hear me!😂😂

If you have long term health issues, maybe he feels like sex is going to a problem or undue pressure on you, especially if he is getting fitter ,
maybe you just need to spell it out quite plainly that you would like more sex with your husband and not pussy foot the discussion