DP binned his bipolar meds

[BeastAlone]

DP (been together 4 years) has suddenly decided he “doesn’t need” his meds anymore and literally threw them in the bin last night 😳 like full on dramatic, in the kitchen bin while I was making tea.

Thing is he’s actually been doing great for ages. Like properly stable, holding down work, really present with the DCs, not had any proper episodes in well over a year. And right now he seems fine, no obvious signs of anything flaring up, but I can’t lie I’m nervous.

Our relationship hasn’t been the greatest recently if I’m honest. Bit of distance, a few rows here and there. Nothing major but it’s been tense.

We’ve got 2 DCs and I work full time. I can’t be holding everything together again like I did last time he spiralled. I feel like I’m just waiting for the crash and it’s exhausting.

I’ve tried being calm, I’ve tried being honest, I’ve tried bribing with sex (yes I know 🙄) and nothing is working. He says I’m “controlling” and “don’t understand how the meds mess with his head” but he was honestly doing so much better on them.

Oh OP. I really feel for you. I understand why you tried to bribe him with sex; it's indicative of how bad things are. As the child of a bipolar adult I can only advise you to ask him to leave or failing that take the children and leave yourself.

If he wants to come off his meds he needs to do that gradually and under medical supervision. Unilaterally deciding to suddenly come off them is not OK, especially when he has young children.

I am sorry, very difficult situation for you. Sometimes people just don't accept that the very reason they are doing better is because of the meds.

As a start I would speak to his GP. Obviously they won't be able to discuss him or his medication with you but you can let them know what he's done, for their information. They may not be able to do/suggest anything but at least will be aware as and when he deteriorates.

It doesn't sound like things are easy anyway even when he's on them and I hope you can find a way to put you and the children first.

Is living with someone with untreated mental illness your hill to die on?

He made a dramatic scene while he's on them. It won't get better.

I'd separate immediately
because your kids don't need a front row seat to what's coming nor do you.

It’s a terrible illness and when you get stable it lies to you and says you don’t need the meds any more. This is so common.

I would honestly consider leaving him if he won’t commit to medication. It’s so hard.

You need to say to him clearly and calmly I cannot support you through a self inflicted
episode. If you start having manic episodes I will need you to leave immediately. Someone has to parent our children and I cannot do that , work and support you because you threw your meds in the bin. You’ve made a choice, and there are consequences of that. I hope it’s not losing your family, but i can’t be the glue that keeps you part of our family this time.
and walk off.

It sounds very likely that he will soon head into another episode (if he isn't already) and you will have to deal with the fallout. If you leave (or threaten to, or ask him to leave), then he might blame the episode on the stress of your actions. Perhaps the best thing to do is to plan for a full-on episode and get your ducks in a row. Organise somewhere to go and quietly pack some bags (keep them in the boot of your car for a quick exit?).

Do you want to stick with him long term? Things aren't great, even when he's on meds, and this illness isn't going to go away. This is your life if you choose to stay.

Edit: what codlingmoth said - agree 100%

I think this might be the uncrossable line.

Supporting someone with serious MH is hard, but this act makes it impossible.

If he needs meds and has done this I would be leaving him over this. Just backing what @Codlingmoths has written.

He needs to move out op. It should be a condition of living with the children that he religiously takes them, and understands why. Can you call the MH team? Ask for advice. You know where this will end sadly.

Your relationship hasn’t been the greatest recently, and now he’s dramatically refusing his meds…

He's already showing symptoms. I don’t know how you get him help, but he’s already going downhill. Don’t wait.

Oh Christmas. I’m so sorry. Stay really clear with him that he has been far better on the meds. But I always felt strongly it wasn’t my job to police the medication, especially with DC to look after. That may not have been the right approach but it was a red line for me.

If you can, have a blunt discussion about what symptoms would mean he should contact the GP when he deteriorates.

Just also to add, the fact he dramatically threw them away last night obviously doesn't mean he might not have stopped taking them at an earlier point.

Contact the CMHT if he's under them or tell the GP. They can't talk to you but you can tell them.

Keep yourself and the DC safe.