Disagreement about the 3rd child

[Worrieddad1237]

Hi all

Myself and my partner keep arguing about a 3rd child, she would have one tomorrow however I don't think I can financially and mentally cope with another one. We have 2 beautiful boys and I love them dearly however I was dead set on just one for ages but finally gave in to have another, however I am at my mental limit with working lots of hours and feeling really bad that I struggle to do my share at home as well as a needy family.

Any advice anyone, am I being unreasonable to stop at 2 or is my point valid.

Thanks

Of your opinion is valid and should also be taken into consideration.

what is the reasoning behind wanting a 3rd?

If you don’t want any more, you don’t want any more. That’s it. Perfectly valid. There’s no argument to be made.

However, she is also within her rights to decide that’s a dealbreaker for her.

This was us. I always secretly wanted a third, he was far less keen.
We had an oops pregancy. Very much an oops (I wouldn’t have chosen to have dc3 so quickly after 2, my body had not recovered)

my husband said he was at max capacity, patience, energy. He absolutely could not do another. He threatened to end our marriage.

We ended up keeping the baby and he says he has just found the extra energy, love and patience and he’s so so so glad we kept the baby. He’s now suggesting a fourth!! (Not happening)

Honestly she comes from a family of 5 and wanted a bigger family. However when we were getting serious we said about kids and I said one for ages but went to 2.

Am I being unreasonable though ?

Firstly I love the username!!!

What gaps do you have if I can ask?

I think a 4th might well finish me off🤣🤣🤣 I wouldn't end the relationship if she was pregnant but I just struggle with balancing a high demand job with the family and I worry I would struggle even more with 3

Haha thank you!!

That’s nice to hear you wouldn’t end the marriage if she got pregnant by accident.

Our gaps are 3 years between dc1-2 and then less than 2 years dc2-3. We currently have 3 kids under 5. A 4 yo, almost 2 yo and a newborn. It sounds like chaos and sometimes is but mainly an insane amount of love.
weirdly me and my husband are closer than we have been for a long while.

we’ve just lowered our expectations a bit. Also given each other more slack for things. It’s going okay.

what changed us the most was joint abortion counselling to help us both see the others point of view and bring our empathy for each other out. Stop seeing each other as the bad guy because they see things differently. I empathise with you, it’s so hard because it’s a very emotive topic

Not unreasonable! My husband wants 3, as he is one of 3. So am I.

But just because he is one of 3 is not a good enough reason for me to go through a pregnancy and birth again, and, similar to you, we would mentally and financially not cope with 3.

He doesn’t even get on with one sibling, and I don’t with one of mine, so it baffles me why he has this idea anyway!

Id never say never and if there was an accidental 3rd I’m not sure what I’d do, but I’ve made my opinions clear.

We have talked it through and he is understanding. It’s such a difficult thing when one wants more and the other does not isn’t it.

It really is difficult and honestly I am struggling to get my point across. I am very glad I'm not being unreasonable and it's hard when you don't get on. My dad's one of 3 and he has nothing to do with either of his siblings!!

I have always wanted lots of children, we have 2 and my husband does not want any more. (He was open to more before we had them). He sounds like you in that after having kids he knows that he is done, emotionally, financially, he feels at his limit. I’m so sad about it and if I’m honest, I’m holding out hope that he will change his mind in a year or so.

When I met my husband we spoke about children from the start( good job as I got pregnant within 3 weeks of meeting) we both wanted a big family, we ended up with 6 in 8 years.

It was hard work but we muddled through, they are now 20,22,24,26,27 and the oldest is 29 next Tuesday. I’m 49 in September and my husband is 52.

You aren’t being unreasonable….you feel how you feel but unfortunately so does she.

my husband and I had this exact same situation….i wanted 3 he was done at 2 (finances, both working full time, feeling stretched, plus medical complications in both prior pregnancies).

I have to admit I was sad about it for ages. However, aside from this we have a happy marriage and I wasn’t about to end my marriage over it. I’ve come to realise too I probably liked the idea of a new baby and was in slight denial my second was my last as I come from a large, close knit, family,

Our children are now 5 and 3 and I have moved on. In a perfect world yes I’d have had the 3rd, but I’m focused now on the 2 I have and also the fact we are getting out of the ‘baby years’ and getting a bit more freedom back. I suppose it just depends if it’s a dealbreaker for her but at the same time, your wants / needs are equal in importance

No not at all. Perfectly reasonable