Feel like I’m going mad sometimes as my intuition is telling me one thing and I don’t trust it.
Husband of 24 years told me he had been addicted to porn before we got engaged. I was young, it didn’t matter. Everything was fine and as far as I was concerned it was in the past. I am not a prude. Sex life fine, if uninspiring.
The first time I left the house with our first baby, I realised I had left my card, went home, found him with porn.
Ok, fine. But I didn’t realise that he had effectively written off our sex life. For the next 20 years he has barely noticed me sexually. He loves me, but I can remember crying myself to sleep on nights (anniversaries, holidays etc) when I thought he might show some sexual interest in me and didn’t.
He is otherwise pretty perfect. Considerate, a great Dad. But is there something else going on here?
My gut tells me yes but he tells me (and I believe him?) no.
I don’t know what to feel or what advice I am asking for. Just disappointed I suppose.