First time posting, I guess I'm just looking for some advice. My partner and I have been together for 5 years. For the most part if I try to talk about any issues in the relationship he either closes up or gets very stressed and then tells me I'm in the wrong for raising it. For the last year or so I have been feeling more and more like the love just isn't there anymore. He rarely touches me, we sit at opposite ends of the sofa, he gets on his phone when we get into bed and inevitably we end up facing opposite ways and going to sleep. He used to tell me how beautiful I am all the time but now, its so rare. I really hate how I look and I feel so down about my body and feel ugly, which he knows, so it doesn't help that he doesn't seem to look at me in the same way. We dont talk about the future, our conversations are so superficial. Over the last few months I have tried to raise to him calmly that I am feeling unloved in our relationship and that its getting me down a great deal. I feel so depressed over this. But the conversations never go well, no matter how hard I try to keep things from becoming an argument, they always do, because he will tell me I'm "getting at him" and accusing me of wanting to cause an argument. He doesn't seem to understand that I just want to fix the issues in our relationship.
When we both work from home, I often go in to see him and see how he is getting on and to give him a hug to let him know I'm thinking of him. He's often too busy to reciprocate much, which I understand. Today, I happened to have the day off while he was working from home. During his break he decided to stay downstairs and play a video game. Now the way I've been feeling recently I guess made me overeact and to mention to him that it would be nice if he spent some time with me on his break (I was off work as I have a chronic illness and was having a bad day). The conversation then turned to this issue because it's on my mind. I tried to calmly explain, but he just got more and more dismissive and told me to get off his back. I told him that it's on my mind every single day and making me feel so low and he just told me that he didn't have the headspace to discuss it (yet again), and that I was making him stressed (again). I just don't know what else I can do, he never has the headspace, he never wants to discuss it, and he always tells me I'm nagging him and causing or making up issues. He ends up being sarcastic and rather rude sometimes while I am stood there in tears basically feeling like a desperate idiot that just wants a hug. He doesnt really do comfort either, if im ever upset about anything, he stiffens up and closes down. He tells me I'm wrong to feel the way i do because he "tries", but I feel like I don't matter to him. I don't feel like I can carry on living like this, and since I can't just have a conversation with him, am I being ridiculous? Just to add that in other ways he's a good partner, like I said with my illness, he does a lot of the housework and cooking but I just want to be able to talk to him.