Why would SIL lie about me?

[Startingtow]

Have been told by a friend that my SIL told her that I never clean my and DH's house. It's so absurd. I said to my friend, you've seen my house - how does SIL think it is like that if I 'never clean'?! Friend shrugged and said 'I know, right?!' She couldn't offer any further explanation as to why SIL would say something so ridiculous.
For context, SIL is DH's sister.

Hmmmm. Can you trust your friend? I wouldn't pass that information on to a friend. Surely your SIL knew that would get back to you.

Yes, I think she is to be trusted. It came out during general conversation, she hadn't made a special point of seeking me out to tell me immediately.

Does SiL mean that YOU never clean it, ie her dear brother does it all?

It’s the sort of thing my MiL would say because she always manages to ring on the days he’s cooking tea or washing up or Hoovering (and he tells her that’s what he’s doing), so I sure she thinks I recline on a sofa while he does everything house-y.

Passing a horrible message on to a friend is the same as saying the message in the first place.

She didn't HAVE to tell you did she?

Ohh. I hadn't thought of it like that. Could be that. But she has definitely seen me cleaning.

Your friend is really shit stirring isn’t she. If I heard such a comment, I certainly wouldn’t then feed it back to the person in question, because it’s only ever going to cause harm.

I wouldn't repeat something like that to a friend. It serves no purpose but to stir things up between you. Ask your friend not to pass on any more comments.

Why on earth would someone pass that on?

I would have corrected the SIL at the time: 'I go to her house, you're talking nonsense.'

How embarrassing to think that people might think DH does all the cleaning.

Why embarrassing? He might do. You might do all the DIY or something.

I’m not embarrassed that my MiL thinks I might be doing less than DH. I couldn’t care less what she thinks tbh 😆

What would SIL say if you asked her about it? In a lighthearted - what's all this I've been hearing way, amused at the idea DH does all the cleaning. Be fun to see her face and what BS she comes up with to justify her bitching about you.

I do agree with this though, as I don't do any cleaning and DH does a lot (plus cleaner) and I couldn't give a fig what anyone thinks as I work very hard in other ways. But in my case SIL would be right whereas OP is embarrassed because it's not true and she doesn't like to be thought of that way.

If a relative of mine was bitching like that about me behind my back and my friend found out about it, I would want that friend to tell me.

I’d sooner know if someone close to me is bitching and lying about me behind my back, would you not?

I have no time for people who are willing to share that sort of hurtful news but are unwilling to have it known that they have repeated it. Did your friend ask you not to tell your SIL that she’d told you what had been said. That would mean she’d broken a confidence and while you might feel that comes from loyalty to you it does show that she can’t be trusted, at least by your SIL.

What is the point of telling someone something if they can’t openly deal with it, it just leaves them festering.

If your friend didn’t swear you to secrecy 🙄 just have a calm conversation with your SIL. If she did, then tell her you don’t want to hear any more gossip about your family.

I think family dynamics are way more complicated than friendships. You can’t bin off family the same way you can friends. Your friend has meddled in something that could, at worst, have serious consequences for your family: at best cause bad feelings. Which it has. Why would she want to do that? Why didn’t she just tell SIL she was talking rubbish and leave it there?

Next time you see sil say you might be late due to your intense cleaning schedule, she'll realise some of her bitching has been heard by you. If she has a partner praise his domestic skills!