Advice on husband watching live cam girls

[Lauraamelia25]

Hi all,

Just signed up to mumsnet looking for some opinions if you can share please- I will keep it short so you don’t get bored.

I have been with my husband for 18 years and we have 3 children (15,12 and 2).

good dad, quite a moody husband but works hard and has a good heart.

When I was pregnant in 2023 I used to get up for a wee all night long and one night I went to check the time on my husbands phone and saw an open tab of porn. This prompted me to check his hidden camera folder (a folder full of videos and pictures of just me) and he had saved two live cam videos of girls in my folder- one playing with herself and another pretending to give oral sex.

This hurts STILL, it hurts because I was so poorly when I was pregnant but still offered everything sexual so it wasn’t like I was refusing, plus he had plenty of porn of me to look at.

I can’t get out of my mind how many times he could have been on these sites, I don’t go on porn but I for sure know when you type in porn, live cam girls don’t straight come up- I feel like it was a very specific search and I went onto the site and have no idea if you can just straight save live cam girl videos to your hidden folder or if you would have to pay or do something intricate. My husband said he didn’t mean to save them but the fact they were in the hidden folder and look not easy to save makes me feel like it was quite a process to save them and he must have really liked them.

we have 3 utterly beautiful, happy children and I don’t want to break my family up but I can’t get over this - 2.5 years on :(

my questions I guess - anybody know how easy a mistake it would be to save live cam girl videos in your hidden folder?

any advice for getting over this or is it ruined :(

thanks everyone.

You're husband sounds sex mad. I can't believe he insisted on sex when you were pregnant and ill. No, you can't accidentally save things in secret folders. He's porn sick.

Are you more bothered that he saved the videos……… or the fact he pays to watch girls live on video?

For me - my husband knows that live cam girls are one of my boundaries not to be crossed. I consider paying for live sex videos cheating…. And that would be the end of my marriage (without even moving on to secretly saving the videos). But not everyone sees it as cheating, it’s up to you and your husband to discuss what you consider cheating and what you don’t.

He'll still be watching cam girls. He'll just be being more secretive about it.

I certainly couldn't get past it.

Also the fact he was having sex with you during a really hard pregnancy is disgusting. What sort of man does that?

Women in poor relationships write the good dad comment when they can think of nothing else positive to write about their man.

He’s not a good dad to his children if he is also a moody husband. Moodiness is an example of emotional abuse. Rebuild your life without this man in it day to day.

and no you cannot accidentally save things in secret folders, he created those folders to put those images in. He’s broken up this family now, not you. Do not stay with him for the supposed sake of the children either.

Thank you everyone, I appreciate these comments. It’s hard to wonder if it’s me but It’s not, it’s him.

"plus he had plenty of porn of me to look at." what does this mean OP, does he have photos and videos of you? Were they made consensually? Having sex with you when you were unwell during pregnancy is repulsive as well.

As far as the cam girl vids go- he will have had to paid for those, downloaded them intentionally, and then created a hidden folder which he willingly saved them into. Then he lied about it.

Agree with PP that he sounds like a sex/porn addict- I used to be married to one of these myself.

If the question is how easy a mistake would it be to save live cam girls in a hidden folder, then ask yourself how many times you've done it.

There aren't any random files saved in the hidden folder on my phone that I didn't put there. I'd suggest that he sought them out and saved them there deliberately.

What's more concerning to me is that you felt that you had to provide a full sexual service during your pregnancy despite being so poorly, so that he would have nothing to complain about. What would have happened if you had refused? You're married to a man who takes pleasure in sexual activity with a woman who is doing it because she doesn't feel she has a choice. I'm not sure if this is your problem to get over to be honest, he sounds like a nightmare. A Bit Moody doesn't touch the sides. This is not a you problem.

Delete all those videos of yourself before you dump him…