Divorcées: how did you manage it?

[LoopyLou94]

I suggested counselling but now I can't be arsed going as he's suggested it'll be a great opportunity for me to figure out why all our problems are essentially my fault (not in those words, but that was the gist!). He's said we're not getting a divorce, but I think I want out. If you've been divorced, how did you know it was right for you? How did you pluck up the courage to take the first steps? How did you keep yourself sane and look after DC? I think I want to get started but I don't have a clue where!

Have you spoken to a solicitor? I got a half hour call with one free to get some information and then found out I can get supported through work too so had a second legal call with another solicitor to check a few things.

Will he not agree to a divorce? If you both agree then you can get a ‘no fault’ divorce, but not if he won’t agree.

I got the courage because I was sick of his shit tbh 🤣 the legal advice gave me the confidence to know I could do it from a practical perspective.

After a series of events that I couldn’t forgive despite him grieving for a close family member, I completely withdrew. He then guessed a few days later that I wanted out, even though I was waiting to tell him after DD’s birthday.

I couldn’t live with his behaviour anymore. I thought, do I want to be retiring with this man constantly under my feet and making my life a misery? I decided I didn’t. I wanted a peaceful life. As soon as I could raise the money I filed for divorce.

When I turned 50, I asked myself a tough question: Can I really spend the next 25 years with this man? The answer came loud and clear, I couldn’t ignore it.

I suggested therapy but he refused, so I went alone. With help, I started unpacking the years of emotional baggage. I tried everything to stay afloat, yoga, meditating, long walks. I read up on divorce, and spoke to a lawyer.

It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I’ve lived through war. I’m an emotional, empathetic person, and the guilt was unbearable. All of it played out during COVID, on top of job losses, mental health crises, and his own devastating loss. Meanwhile, my body was breaking down: sleepless nights, blood pressure spikes, panic. I was ready. I couldn’t wait any longer. So, I did it.

It took me a long time to recover from it. But do I regret it? Not for a second. Good luck, OP!