Hi, just reaching out for some advice on a serious matter. Apologies in advancd for the extremely long post.
My parents who are from abroad (24 hour flight) have been visiting each year since 2022, usually coming for around 2 weeks per year, split into the start and end of their holiday. My wife has instructed me that they are not coming back to our apartment in 2 weeks time after they leave this week because she is unhappy with my Mum's questioning and overheard my Mum swearing about her. Previously, they had been speaking regularly until 2 months ago as my Mum reached out to her about her mental health concerns regularly after my partner went on sick leave from her job.
We have recently had a major kitchen renovation in our apartment which was perpetually delayed for a number of weeks and ended up only being finished to be able to be packed up within 36 hours of my parents arrival.
Unfortunately, my wife has had a number of serious mental health issues, including hoarding, which has spread almost everywhere in the apartment. This has been one reason for tension in the past and is an extremely sensitive subject for all parties. To her credit, she agreed that we needed a storage unit to begin to empty the space, however, we only moved around 20% of what we needed to because we simply had no time with the renovation. I really want to supoort my wife over the coming weeks to keep on moving belongings to improve our apartment.
I will acknowledge, on my part, that I should have contacted my parents a few days in advance and foreseen the emergency and arranged alternative accommodation. However, I once suggested this in advance of their previous visit to us and my Mum was absolutely devastated by it and I backtracked realising how hurt she was.
My Mum has been upset and said that my wife is controlling me and my wife has said that I am siding with my parents and letting my Mum control me because I did not say anything during moments of tension. My wife is 100% adamant that they are never coning back and has told me she has had suicidal thoughts due to her mental health issues.
My wife has fallen out with numerous people, including her own family members, since we have been together and, at times, has been physically aggressive towards me when lashing out. She often regrets this afterwards, as she has a history of abuse. She often expects people to apologise for any errors and mistakes if she feels aggrieved.
I have tried hard to help her, with returning clothee, listening for hours on end after tough days at work, representing her at tbe employment tribunal etc. and said that I would go to any length to get her the support she needs. She has recently started to visit mental health support but is struggling and said yesterday that she even had suicidal thoughts, which petrifies me as I do not want her to feel this way. We are both from abroad so very much living together as our own support network, however, my wife has struggled to maintain more than 1 or 2 strong friendships and I have a wide supportive network.
My Mum has had a low grade cancer for the past few years and I am also worried about her wellbeing and I can see how she would be stressed by me living in such a chaotic apartment when, previously, I was living in a relatively minimalist lifestyle. I am extremely close to my parents and while there can be bug bears when anyone spends time together and they have their own faults, I don't think they are bad people because they generally get on with most people and gave me a very supportive upbringing.
I understand my wife has concerns about me not speaking up for her a couple of times where there was conflict, where i had done so in the past. I believe i froze in the moment and was unsure of how to handle the situation.
Ideally, I would love for my wife and parents to bury the hatchet and for them to come back but my wife is adamant that they should stay elsewhere, with me offering to pay for it. I am really unsure what to do, because I feel cornered and like I am not being given a chance to get everyone together to try and make peace. My mental health is now being impacted by this, whereby I was relatively determined to absorb and try to fight all of the other battles faced before.
Would greatly appreciate any advice as I often browse this forum and read topics anonymously. Apologies again for such a long post!