Impotent DH watching porn

[Username1612]

Over the last few years my husband has had a problem with watching a lot of porn, to the point where he thought he had an addiction (didn't do anything about it though 🤔)
He knows it really upsets me as we have zero sex life due to his impotence, due to his diabetes and taking anti depressants.
Around 6 months ago I'd had enough so put a block on the WiFi (I pay the bill) .
I have full access to his phone so I know he wasn't watching it in this period.
Then about 2 weeks ago the WiFi box was changed and I didn't realise the block was no longer in place.
He discovered this and started back watching porn, lots of it.
I don't go snooping but went on his phone to do the banking and saw he was trying to delete his history - unsuccessfully.

When I confronted him he completely denied it until I showed him the proof.
I'm so upset, it's bought up the feelings again and I don't know what to do, I haven't put the block back on, I feel like I shouldn't have to police him but so fed up with it all.
My main concern has always been that the porn gives him an erection and I don't, otherwise why would he bother? He of course denies this. My self confidence is shot to bits .

LTB

Absolutely no way is he watching porn and not wanking to it. Has he discussed his apparent impotence with his doctor?

I have the ick just reading about him. Get rid.

If he is not willing to see a doctor about his impotence so that he can have a fulfilling and intimate sexual relationship with you then you need to consider ending your marriage- unless you are willing in the end to accept being denigrated by porn.

Also he’s foolish to watch porn via WiFi in any case.
I had the same issue with my ex. After 21 years I’d had enough.

I think men can still ejaculate without an erection. So it might be his way of satisfying himself but he can’t with you as he can’t get hard.
Either way, it’s something to be discussed, I’d imagine it’s an embarrassing subject for him so he probably hides it from you.
Could couples therapy be an option?

How is your relationship otherwise? It's hard to believe he's a considerate man.

Yes he's had a lot of appointments over the years and tried a few medications but they stopped working so we stopped trying.

He was even referred to have an implant but was around covid time so we never heard anything back, and he's not chased it up

Or maybe he can stop watching porn and see if that changes his apparent lack of erection...because if he can't do that for his wife then why should she sit in counselling with him

Throw him in the bin OP. He's happy for you to lead a sexless life while he fills his boots with porn. Yuk.

I suppose what pisses me off is that whenever I confront him about it he says he understands why im upset and he will stop, but he never does. The only time he actually stopped is when I blocked it. He's 56 not bloody 14!!
He also says it does nothing for him. Then why bother???
There are other problems in our marriage (quite a few) and this is one thing I've not had to worry about for a few months, and now it's added back to the list.
I know most men watch porn to some degree, but they also have a sexual relationship with their partner!
Sorry I'm ranting!!

how old are you both?

It gets much harder (no pun intended) for SOME men to get or maintain an erection as they get into their 50s/60s. More visual stimulation can help but for me, that would only be as part or to assist in our sex life

sorry our posts crossed - so yes he's probably struggling at his age. but I agree if it did nothing for him he wouldn't do it. If I were you I would be pretty firm - say what you want going forward. If he isn't prepared to do that then I'd consider whether the relationship is enough for me

I think there are many who watch porn and don’t have sex with their partner too. You won’t be alone with that.

what keeps you with him?

I've come back to this thread as me and my husband have been going through counselling, not for the porn addiction, other issues, but at our last session he admitted hes been addicted to porn since he was a teenager.

I don't know why but it has totally thrown me. I suppose I just thought it started during our relationship when he realised he could watch it on his phone.
I feel like I've been fed a lie for 15 years and am absolutely miserable.

Apparently he doesn't watch it anymore since I put the block on the WiFi (its back on there) but we haven't had sex for about 4 years now due to his impotence.

I don't know what I'm asking but I know this is no way to live!

Sorry @Username1612 , that is truly a disfunctional relationship. My go-to is always communication, trying to find a solution, but in your case, I think it would be flogging a dead horse, sorry to say. He knows damn well how you feel about the porn addiction, and he doesn't respect or love you enough to make an effort, to change for the better.. The fact that it effectively results in a non-existent sex life just makes it even more dire. Sorry to say, but blocking the wifi is not a viable solution. There is always a way, and there shouldn't be a physical barrier for him to not do it, it does not solve the issue. You mentioned that there are additional issues in your relationship. So, at the end of the day, it doesn't sound like there is much to push the scale in his favour, based on everything you said, you would be better off without him.