Online dating when you’re a person of faith- wth?!

[patchworkronnie]

I’m slowly losing hope. Too many men seem more interested in inappropriate chat or secret affairs/second-wife situations. It’s baffling how many claim to be over 40 or 50, never married or without children- made more bizarre by the fact that they’re from cultures and a faith that encourage early, meaningful marriage.

I’ve set strict criteria for myself- only considering divorced or widowed fathers but even within this group, many turn out to be shallow or just playing games. For those who’ve been through this, what tips or tricks do you have for tackling online dating successfully? I’d really appreciate any advice or encouragement. I’m finding I’m losing hope in men with every interaction.

For context- I’m a 41 year old mom and work full time in a job I love. I crave companionship, intimacy and a having a laugh with someone who has similar values to me :( I’m beginning to think I’m expecting too much. To some of these men, as a divorce and single mum, I’m used/damaged goods. How do I keep my standards high while tackling misogyny?

Why are you targeting a group of men who are more than likely to be on the rebound? That doesn't seem like a sensible plan.

I’m not- there has to be at least one man on there that is genuine! 😔

I work full time and wouldn’t know how else to meet ‘eligible’ men…

What about a religion-specific websites? Or matchmaking?

I met my DP online, he doesn’t have children because he and his ex had fertility issues.

I basically dated a lot. Some were awful and I just put it down to experience and moved on. But one not religious, so that wasn’t a factor.

What apps/sites are you using, OP?

Maybe look at a more specialist type of service, like a faith-based matchmaking service as a pp suggested.

A lot of these blokes on the free sites are just messing about.

I’m a Muslim and have only used Muzz for now. I know dirt talk, ghosting, future-faking isn’t new to the world of dating but I’m left really upset by some interactions because I thought men from the faith would be more respectful but they’re not! I don’t mean to offend anyone but this is my very real experience!

I'm also a person of faith who's used dating sites. I reckon you have two options:

1. A site that specialises in your faith.
2. A mainstream site, tick the option for your faith, and put in your profile statement that you practise your faith and you're looking for somebody similar.

If the Muslim site you've tried is tacky, you could see if there's another that isn't. But tbh my own recommendation would be to go on Bumble (which I've had good experience of), and be completely upfront about how important your faith is to you.

Im catholic and its quite difficult. I haven't been married or have kids because I always hoped I'd find someone with similar values.

It's so important for me to at least find someone who shares similar views even if they aren't religious because Jesus is part of my life.

Its like being a horny dog in a Miss Lovely Legs competition.

There are decent men on dating apps. But the amount of filtering you have to do is exhausting, I have used them in the past but I don’t any longer as I just don’t want to have to engage with these people in any capacity, even just seeing their misogynistic profiles was 😒

Maybe look at the burned haystack fb group. She’s also on instagram.

@ThatsthebottomlineI'm sorry you’re finding it hard but that made me laugh because it’s so true! Sadly, many of the men from my faith belong to a certain culture and within that culture, there’s an assumption that I’ll fall for their lines out of desperation but it’s a straight forward block.

As a Muslim woman, I’m limited in marrying just Muslims so that makes things so difficult (and unfair).

@patchworkronnie
My divorced muslim friend has been like you. She started off trying to find that unicorn of a available divorced good muslim man.

Only to find that most men of her background that were on the market - had no respect for women, and treated her appallingly.

Maybe the good ones stick it out and follow the cultural norms still prevalent among the group - and don’t divorce?
It was certainly true for her exH who abandoned my friend and ran off with an affair partner.

I don’t know if there is a solution to it really. Not like she could rely on friends or family to introduce her to normal divorced men
In my friend’s case - her ‘community’ effectively shunned her for a long time. Despite the fact that she did not initiate divorce, and had no say in the matter after her H left.

We live in London, and her kids are growing up among many cultures and religions. And as she was going through her life post divorce journey we talked a lot about societal and familial influences on our lives.
It took her a while to ponder life, but she did realise that she does not have to stick with the misogynistic men of her own background in order to satisfy the cultural norms her grandparents brought in from their country of origin.

Dating a good man, who is respectful of her faith; is nice to her children; and is an overall reliable partner to her is not against her religion.

You thought Muslim men would be more respectful? That hasn’t been my experience. Not because they’re Muslim… because they’re men.
There are really shitty men in every single religion. A lot of them. Especially those using online dating. It’s a cess pit which you have to wade through to find the handful of good men on there. By limiting yourself to one faith, and then limiting yourself further because you only want divorced single fathers, you are basically making it impossible for yourself.

Why do you need to only date within your faith? I know plenty of mixed faith couples, and they have their own challenges but no more so than any relationship. And why do you only want divorced or widowed fathers?

You really need to realise that online dating apps attract a lot of seedy men, so whilst it looks like there are hundreds of men in your area, there are really only a handful of genuine good men and you have to go on a hell of a lot of dates to find them.

I've had a few Muslims come up, because I say I don't drink (though in my case, it's not because of any religious reason.)

Faith (of any sort) doesn't seem to make a difference about whether they're decent or not, and unfortunately, they're still there when you have to restrict your dating pool because of religion or any other reason. But there are decent men out there. Just takes ages to find them.